Letter to Mr Non-Eater

Dear Mr I’m-Too-Good-To-Visit-Lower-Lands,

This is my letter to you. Yes YOU!

You may not necessarily want to read this letter but I think it’s time someone spoke to you and really put you on to what the fuck is goings on.

With so many issues to cover, I don’t even know where to start… but the beginning is a good place.
It’s 2011… the year of the double one. That means fuck all really but, what it does mean is that its another year that you have NOT sucked a pussy yet and I have to ask WHY?

Are you one of those people that feel that it’s a dirty, disgusting, vulgar practice?
Are you one of those folk who look at a pussy and are happy to stick your dick in it with no condom but refuse to let your lips linger down there?
Are you one of those fellas who say on the regular, in bad English, “I don’t eat no pussy”, “mi nah bowcatt” or “I don’t eat nothing that bleeds”.

What, exactly, is stopping you sir?
Huh?!
What, does the idea of eating pussy scare you? Are you scared of doing it? Are you worried you won’t do it right?
I can hear you staying strong and saying, “nah man, I just don’t do dem tings”.
Well, what tings?
Because I know you’ll be quick to drop the head push on her and try and get her to slip your dick into her mouth.
So what’s wrong with reciprocation?

I mean, sir, FA REAL?!?!?
Are you the kind of man that doesn’t like to kiss either? (Don’t get me started on those guys.)

I have to ask: how can you be living your life without eating some pussy along the way?
I know it’s not for everyone and not everyone will like the taste, but, it is an acquired one. And, really, it’s not about you. It’s about her.

Don’t worry sir, I’m not telling you to go around eating every pussy you put your dick into but, damn homes, find one you wouldn’t mind eating and go for it, face first.
It ain’t gonna bite ya, it won’t even cuss you for it… in fact, it’s the exact opposite.
This may sound like some “God Forbid” advice but ask a man who eats pussy about the response he gets from her and you’ll start to see what the attraction is.

There are many things you can do with the basic sliding a dick in but there is another level of pleasure and enjoyment for her with a tongue.
Firstly, as you know, women have something that’s called a clitoris… usually the thing you try slip ya dick into before you realise her entrance is lower down.
Now that little button is just as important, sometimes MORE, than the actual insertion and intercourse. And in a head situation, it can be the difference between her deciding to give you no head or break out the sloppy, Lethal Lipps inspired, Kakey sponsored head that makes you NOT wanna watch.
Any headologist who knows how to treat a pussy right knows and remembers the most extreme reaction he’s ever received from a woman. He will tell you about the screaming, the sheet scrunching, the attempts to run away, the breath holding, the eyes rolling back, the calls out to God, the tapping out, the ‘trying to push the head out’, the scratching, etc.
For a woman as well, there is nothing like seeing an attractive man (well I’m hoping you’re not a Dog Of The Face sufferer) between her thighs handling her business.

See the problem with you, sir “I-don’t-lick-nuttin”, is that you are spending all this time not eating pussy thinking about the fact that you don’t wanna eat pussy for whatever your reason, but what about she?
Doesn’t she deserve some pleasure?
Doesn’t she deserve the right to be pleased by something other than your dick?
Did you ever think that you might not be slanging the pipe the way you think and she’s truly not being pleased?
Or don’t you think she’s worth it?
(But is she worthy enough to suck your dick? If the answer was yes, and I imagine for most non-eaters it was, then SHE needs to reevaluate some thangs. Lady readers, has he ever gotten you to suck his dick but not returned the favour? Thank about it…)

The worst thing is that the stigmas you attach to sucking pussy are all crap and mean sweet fuck all.
Here’s a few of the most common misconceptions about sucking pussy, maybe this will change ya mind…

The taste
For years and years (even when I was growing up) there was always this thought that pussy smells and tastes like fish, Maybe that’s born from the younger days of fingering girls and smelling your finger afterwards. Maybe you stuck your finger in some unclean pootie tang and it scarred you for life, but really, pussy does not smell and taste like fish. It’s kind of like… fruit juice. I can hear shouts of denial but seriously, it doesn’t taste as bad as her scent may suggest and, trust me, once you’re in there, you will LOVE it… But you gotta get past that ‘fish thinking’ barrier. Once you’re past that, it’s smooth sucking from there.

Liquid on the face
Some of you men out there are SCARED of pussy juice. Yep, I said it, you’re scared of it. Why? I don’t know. It’s not like it’s the acid spit from the Alien that just melts everything it touches. Again, anyone who has spent a lot of time down between a woman’s thighs knows that once it’s on your face, it’s there. What can you do about it? Nothing… just go on go on…
Best way to get over this stigma is to take some time out to just play with pussy juice. Seriously. Take a moment or two to just get some on your fingers and play with it, become ONE with the juice, smell it, stretch it between ya fnigers… until you’re at a stage where it being on your face is MINOR. (Pretty soon, you’ll get to a point where you’ll want it on your face at all times, you’ll wanna watch her masturbate and rub her moist fingers on your lips… okay, that just may be me…)

Being DOWN there
Being a man, you may think that being down there is, pardon the pun, beneath you, and there is no way you will ever find yourself BELOW a woman in that way. Like there’s something wrong with that. Au contre mon fre… it is in fact the most liberating thing to feel and experience and I’ll tell you why. Women love to be in control, especially in sex. Sure they want a man who will take control and put her where he wants her and do what need to be done, but, at the same time, they wanna drive the vehicle too. And in a head situation, especially where she is on her back with her legs open, you are giving her that control. The control to be able to hold your head still and fuck your face, the control to slide her pussy up and down your face, the control to squeeze her thighs and restrict how and where you eat. That control, plus the idea of looking down at you, gives her a simple pleasure that no other sexual practice can give. Because in that position, with she laid back, all she has to think about and experience is the fact that you are there to please her, nothing more, nothing less. So think less about feeling emasculated because you are below a woman and start thinking in terms of, I’m giving her the power, let her enjoy it.

The label attached to men who do that
In the UK men who eat pussy are usually referred to as bowcatts, rug munchers, fish mongers, pum pum eaters and general nasty men. BUT, are the people who call you these things there with you in the bedroom when you’re doing what you’re doing? No, so who gives a fuck what people (generally other men) think or say about the fact that you do that?
Here’s a few responses I like to give out when someone tries to frown or say something about my pussy eating exploits:

“The way she came tells me that I’m a GOOD bowcatt…”
“Yeah I eat pussy and I’m DAMN greaat at it too…”
“Lemme see you make her come 20 times in half an hour with your 10 minute dick game..”
“Mad at me? Why ‘cuz my girl is talking to your girl and now YOUR girl is hassling you for head?”
“You see that smile on her face? That’s from good pussy eating…”
“Don’t get mad at me sir, if you don’t wanna do it to her, that’s fine, but guaranteed she has a friend who’s getting good head and all the stories she’s hearing are PISSING her off with you because you won’t do it… or you do it badly on purpose…”
“It’s cool, but she WILL find someone who will eat her pussy…”
“Of COURSE I eat pussy, my tongue is seven inches for crying out loud.”

Hopefully sir, you have read something that has maybe changed your mind about not eating her pussy. As I said before, I’m not telling you to go out and eat every pussy that comes your way, but, think about finding one and giving it a try. There’s no way in the world that she won’t be, pardon the pun, down for it and, for the way that she could possibly respond, it’s SOOOO worth it.
Throw all those stigmas out the window, suck it up and get down there…
I know for a fact if you won’t, and everyone else around her is getting it, she WILL find someone out there who will eat it for FREE…

Because what you don’t know is that there is a plethora of men out there who are absolutely ravenous and will eat a pussy just because it’s a new day. They are the hungry men who enjoy nothing more than eating the pussies of women whose men are not giving them any.
These men like the idea of doing something that her man isn’t doing, it gives them a nice, sinister pleasure to know that they have a part of your woman that you will never be able to hold on to.

All because you didn’t wanna eat no pussy.

You don’t have to admit you read something in this letter and it made you change your mind about eating pussy. Maybe you wanna be a down-low eater, that’s fine… but for the LOVE of clitorial orgasms, be like Nike and JUST DO IT!

Signed,

The Pied Piper of Pussy eating

Mr Oh

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