This isn’t even a letter, this is response to a cry for help coming (pun intended) from women all over the world.
It’s a cry that can be heard in multiple languages, through women of different shades and shapes in the past, present and future.
But men do NOT hear the cry.
Maybe because some of us CAN hear it but we ignore it, maybe we can’t hear it AT ALL, maybe women cry these tears on a sonic audio level men are just not trained to hear.
But what I do know is that women are crying…
Not literally and physically crying but they are UPSET… and PISSED off.
Because the man in their life is NOT, repeat, NOT handling his business between the sheets as he should be. But he THINKS he is.
Ladies know him well; he doesn’t need to ask if it’s good because he KNOWS (or thinks) it’s good, his game is soOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo on point that he doesn’t need to learn anything from anyone, he is such the experienced lover that he assumes that what works for previous lovers will fit you and, thus, no need to try new shit.
Unfortunately, this gentleman lives and breathes everyday, with no one telling him any different, which makes him think that fingering you in THAT way (all dry and shit) is the way to get you off.
For some men, they cannot stand and/or take the fact that a woman would have something to say about their game. Kinda ironic but ‘how can a woman have something to say about a man’s sex game?’
He built this game from teen years, he spent time perfecting it and masturbating it into a well rounded, entertaining, orgasm-creating, sleep-inducing whale of a time.
He is super proud of that sex game and he will not, repeat NOT, hear one bad word about it.
But, then comes the awkward moment. When a lady experiences the sex game and has one or two amendments she would like to add to the game.
But he won’t hear such madness.
A WOMAN NOT IMPRESSED WITH HIS GAME!?!? HOW VERY DARE SHE?!?!
After he spent so long perfecting it?
Then comes the situation where you either tell him about it and suffer the consequences of him trying and improving, trying and steadily getting worse or he feels so emasculated, he gives up fucking you completely as he thinks you’ll constantly be slating him in your head.
Really, that’s HIS business… kinda his fault for not keeping his game up-to-date but that doesn’t mean he can’t take advice on how he can step it up.
So I thought, lemme try and tell HIM what he’s lacking and where, so the next time he wants to give his partner some pudding… some SWEET sticky toffee pudding, her mind will be filled with nothing but dick… or tongue.
In thinking about this blog and the subjects that I’d cover, I thought I’d ask my Twirrer folk and my FB peeps, and they came up with a few ideas and went QUITE hard with it…
So in a classic Ricky Ricado voice, I got some ‘spalaing to do…
So, what are the things that dudes need some advice on in between the sheets?
Losing inhibitions and letting go – some men find it easy to just let go of their inhibitions and let their woman sneak a finger up their ass, but not all men are that way inclined. When you find yourself holding on to certain ideas and rumours, etc. about sex, you instantly inhibit yourself when you find yourself in THAT situation.
For example, it can take a lady to say once ‘I don’t like that’ to inhibit him into locking down and not trying anything else adventurous with you. Not because you said you don’t like it, but because it was something he was doing that DIDNT work for you.
Men like to feel like they know it all so when a woman has to tell him or show him, he feels like, “I must be a shit lover if I don’t know how to do that”.
Realistically, life is too short to be holding in inhibitions… WAY to short to not be doing things that you’ve possibly THOUGHT about but, for whatever crap reason, you’ve changed your mind.
Apparently men sometimes OVER think sex. Could be a number of reasons for that. They wanna make sure the sex is PERFECT, they wanna make sure they give her something that she can run and tell her friends about or they wanna ensure you have something to think about LONG after he’s left.
But in over-thinking, he spends too much time inhibiting himself and not letting go. It should be the opposite.
One style of sex does NOT fit all – women are like cars, different ones, big ones, small ones, thick one, loose ones, some with goods brakes, some with great engines, some with terrible body work, etc.
But you cannot have one driver driving different cars the same way. Some have different biting points, some have tight biting point, etc… you know what I’m trying to say.
But there is not one style that fits all.
That would be a mistake to think so. One style of sex does not fit all.
Some women like to be driven roughly, some women like to be slow rolled into their orgasm, some like to go so fast, you’re breaking multiple speed limits.
But the aim is make sure you keep your game ever changing. Switch it up homes. Speedy during that part and slow and steady during that part.
Mix it up… but also, make sure you keep one style in your pocket that is ALWAYS, without a doubt, guaranteed to make her curl up, twitch up and orgasm up the place.
Too fragile or too rough – you cannot sir… CANNOT think that one woman likes it real soft or real fast, without keeping a comfy balance in the middle. Women rule ya see, and the thing about em is that they like to be paid attention. Paying attention can be sooo detrimental to your reputation as a good lover that you need to do it more and more and, even after she’s come, keep doing it.
Some women like it softly softly at all times, which builds up an orgasm slowly to a SUPER crescendo. But other women like it hard, fast and with as much Wesley Pipes in it as possible. And some like a mix of both soft and rough. What you have to do, dude, is make sure you know who you have so you know what to deliver. Rough, soft, fast, slow, figure her out before you get in…
Toys – men who are scared of toys are looked at like men who don’t give head – they still MAKE you. (Don’t worry, there’s a head section a coming…)
But toys are some serious kinda fun when it comes to using them on a woman during sex. A lot of men have issues with a woman’s toy in the way that they feel like it’s a replacement for them. For some women it is, for some women it’s all they have but take it into consideration. A Rampant Rabbit can be an added extra to any sex AND it can be a use to you too.
Never had a woman turn her Rampant Rabbit on a slow setting and hold it against your dick while getting a blowjob? Well then you’ve never lived my son.
If that’s a bit to close, and you can’t over the idea of having something that looks like a penis so close to your manhood then take control of the toy. Use it on her. Not only is it a good way to learn what strokes make her arch her back but throw in some nipple and neck kisses and just spend some time watching her come.
OR… lay her on her front with a pillow under her stomach and a vibrator around where her clit is and stroke her from the back. She’ll enjoy the sensation… and she’ll also appreciate the creativity of something different. Shows you are on the CUSP of knowing a thang or three.
Let HER drive – it is generally thought that a man in the bedroom has to be a leading, idea-delivering, bright spark of a lover in order to keep his partner pleased. But, women also like the opportunity to lead the party. Maybe he’s unable or unable to trust a woman to the point where he let’s her take control. But really, seriously and honestly, a woman taking control and telling you where to go and move and be with a strong voice is some SEXXXY shit.
Her breath is all heavy, she’s moving you quickly into position, her eyes are mesmerising and you can read on her face what time it is.
The strength women have in their own sexuality makes them know how and where they want it. And sometimes we fellas miss the mark. To be honest, there’s something sexy about watching an annoyed woman not being reached in one position and flipping him into another position. Her annoyed face suddenly becomes a “WHOOOOOA” face and everyone’s smiling.
Mind sex – the beautiful aspect of sex. Before anyone touches, before words are even spoken, the connecting on a level where you’ve both shared a sexual moment in the mind. Apparently the art of good mind sex is dying out in favour of the more ‘so are you gonna bang doe/ you let my friend slam doe’ style of chat up line.
Good mind sex can make a woman wet. Damn rigght.
Great mind sex, and I mean GREAT MIND SEX, is when you are both NOT talking about sex. If you’ve tasted that flavour, you know what I mean. When you could be talking about something random, yet there is something ELSE going on that you both know about.
To masturbate a woman’s mind before you masturbate her elsewhere is to heighten and enlighten ANY situation. And that’s fa trill….
Loss and lack of foreplay – it seems foreplay is still a dying experience for most women, with a lot of fellas opting to slide a finger in before maybe kissing a neck, undoing her zip properly or even reaching for a nipple. Foreplay can be more important than the actual intercourse. It LITERALLY pre-moistens the sex.
Foreplay has seemingly been defined today by a certain standard which, I seriously cannot fathom. Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
A kiss. Maybe a good few minutes.
Maybe a cup of the breast searching for a nipple
A cuppage of your behind.
Followed by a search around the front for where he THINKS your clitoris is. Or he’ll go straight old school try slide in without having to undo any buttons or zips.
Foreplay is meant to be fun, not a chore as its seen in favour of a quick slam. No more caressing, no holding, no inhaling the one you plan to devour.
Learning how to interact – some fellas out there apparently don’t know how to simply interact with a woman anymore during sex.
How to simply adapt to her move and come forth with a worthy rebuttal. I mean really, has sex really just become about the act when these are the things that woman say men need to work on?
I mean C’MON SON. These are basics.
Interacting with a woman is all about paying attention to her. A dem cliché whe dem seh she’s always giving you signs. Well she is.
Pay attention to her. She could want you to pull her hair and want you to call her a bitch, but you won’t know because you’re not willing to put the WORK in.
Head game – apparently not only are women suffering from the fellas out there who aren’t giving head but there’s supposedly a growing number of gents out there who ARE giving head but just SUUUUUUUUCK at it.
Like REALLY suck at it.
This is head so bad she has to fake an orgasm to tell you to stop.
Generally when a man doesn’t like giving head but DOES, he’s not necessarily thinking about making sure you’re clit is licked, not flicked, tongue fucked, not long stroked. He just wants to get it over with and wait for the moment when you’ve had enough and motion for him to get back to some sex, which she can actually enjoy.
I’ve written so many blogs on giving head, I can only refer them to those and pray they read.
Dirty talk – ladies are apparently getting tired of the run of the mill ‘oh yeah’, ‘uhh huh’, ‘that’s it’, ‘ohhhhh right there’ and anything inspired by Wesley Pipes. This is fun because you get to explore what a woman likes verbally during sex.
She could be a quiet, shh shh, shut the fuck up kinda woman or she could be a ‘tell me how it feels, watch that shit going in, describe everything that happens type of lady.
Eitherway you gotta give her more than the ‘oohs’ and ‘aaahs’.
There’s something sexy to be said about the sound of a woman talking in a tone that tells you all you need to know about what she’s thinking and feeling.
Push the boat out, see how far she’s willing to go. Maybe she likes being called every piece of vulgarity in the book, maybe even some that don’t make sense. But you never know, because you don’t try.
And this is where some men are losing out.
Because they are not going the extra mile, they aren’t finding out just how far the road of a woman goes.
Unfortunately this diminishes the sexual experience down to just laying down or bending over, sliding in and out, buss, clean up, and gone with the wind.
Which sucks because that means that there are hundreds of thousands of women out their who’s full sexual potential is not being reached.
As men, it’s not wrong to take a bit of friendly advice on where to go, what to do, how to do that better…
Most of these seem to be things that men can improve all by paying attention, taking their time and savouring, instead of speeding, through a moment between the sheets.
I’m not slating men, I know some dudes who take care of their biznass with many a satisfied customer… but to those who AREN’T aware that a quick finger on what you THINK is her clitoris is not the extent of foreplay, I’m talking to you.
Really, all you’re doing is giving her and her friends something to laugh about. Because they ARE laughing at you. Then again, they could not be talking about you. That’s when you know it’s THAT bad.
Say something or do nothing…
By Mr Oh