Monthly Archives: March 2013

The Tatiana Blue interview

Who are you?

Tatiana Blue, the world’s greatest shoe thief extraordinaire and, not to blow my own horn but, sexy as fuck too. Dreadlock rocking, over 60, 000 pairs of shoes stolen, all round chick ya chick wants to lick… yeah that’s me!
Toot toot!

Where did you come from?

What am I, a fucking alien? I’m from Stratford, east London. Born and raised. Technically I’m a figment of Mr Oh’s imagination but I live in Stratford. I’d rather not say where exactly because, well, you never know when Interpol is scanning blogs again.

Why do you steal shoes?

If you wanna know go and ask that prick Marcus why I steal shoes. You know that fucking ass fucking, fuck face of a human piece of shit…
And woooooooooooosah…
Sorry ’bout that… guess he still makes me angry after all this time. Even after seeing him again, I still wanted to tie him down, pour dry ice on his skin then go over him with some sandpaper.
Okay, back to the question…. why do I steal shoes? Well why not. Why wouldn’t I? If I can do it and get away with it, why the fuck not?
Over 60, 000 pairs of shoes stolen and never been arrested once!
That’s why I steal shoes… because I can. And I’m fucking the best at it.

Who’s Marcus?

Heheheeee… Who’s Marcus? What a piss taking question. You see I just almost fucking flipped out and then you ask me about him again.
We all know who Marcus is. If you read the book, you know who he is. He’s a prick is who he fucking is. Grade A fuck muncher. From what I read in the book, he should be arrested too. What he did to that chick must’ve broken a law or two.
But ya know what, fuck Marcus.
If you’re reading this Marcus, fuck you forever until you die!
That’s who Marcus is!

Favourite shoe?

Next question… I’m not even gonna bother…

Why not get a real job?

Like what? Security manager… done that already. Tesco? Done it… Foot Locker… done it… office job… done it… I’m done doing it.
I get to wake up and it’s about nothing but shoes. All day everyday.
If I don’t wanna get up and fly to Paris to pick up a few pairs of Louboutins then I stay in bed smoking weed and watching Love and Hip Hop or Real Househusbands of Hollywood. Because I can.
If you’re wondering how I manage to sustain myself by stealing shoes, well let’s just say there are ways of selling those extra pairs I pick up.
You’re job may take you on the central line, DLR, maybe even a bus but mine takes me to Las Vegas, Indonesia, New York, Milan, Bulgaria, L.A.
I am literally internationally known… and I love it.
Because I’m seriously that good at what I do. Think of Colombiana, but thicker with dreadlocks and that’s me.

Don’t you feel guilty about stealing?

Should I?

Okay… erm… Don’t you get bored of stealing shoes?

Ask any woman if she gets bored of high heels and expect the ‘stupid question’ face looking right back at cha…

What does the future hold for a shoe thief?

More shoes more shoes more shoes… *stupid question face here*
I’ve found out recently that after I expressly told him not to write about me anymore, Mr Oh went and researched my very first job and the fucker decided to write about it. But he’s doing a good job so far. I’m definitely gonna “edit” it though. And then, after that, I’m going to get my Russell baby back.

Who’s Russell?

*stupid question face*
You know damn well who he is so don’t play dumb. He’s the sexy chocolate that changed my life.

What do you plan to do with all the shoes you’ve stolen?

Keep ’em. These are some stupid ass questions.

Where do you keep them all? Your shoes.

Two flats, four apartments and two houses. London, Belgium, Jamaica, New York, Manchester and just bought a new house in the Hamptons. Huge basement. Purrrrfect.

Where can people find you?

Well really if a thief is good enough then you won’t find ’em. But unfortunately because Mr Oh wanted to dry snitch on my life in a story called FootSoles and PantyHoes in his book, now I’m immortalized in some shit.
I’m smarter now though… but seriously no more writing about me.

I’ll see what I can do

No you’re gonna do as your told and not write about me any more, do you hear me?

Erm, there’s no way in hell your gonna come in my blog and start talking shit to…

PFFFTT…

You know me Mr Oh so you know the types of things I could do to you, especially as that tranquilizer dart starts to take effect.

Did you just… Zzzzzzzz…

Thanks for the interview Mr Oh… we’ll do this again sometime when your mouth and your attitude doesnt get you fucked up!

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Are you proud of your head game?

Ratlling along in 2013, I still hear stories of folk meeting people who don’t give head… for whatever reason.

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Personally I cannot fathom that such people exist even though I’ve met them myself. Probably ghosts.
But, with all that said, you know what the saddest thing is about those people?
They never have the chance to be PROUD of their head game.
They’ll never get to experience the joy of… well, we’ll get into the joys in a mo.

Head givers in general, especially those who like doing what they do, are majorly proud of the feats they can pull off with their mouths. Some are damn proud!
Both male and female.
If you are one of those said male or females then you know what pride it is I speak of.
If you’re not sure, lemme give you a scenario…

Sirs… you have her laid back with her legs over your shoulders and her lips open, hood pulled back, button exposed and ready to be pressed like R1 and you do the thing that you damn well know will make her moan or
Arch her back or
Cover her face or
Tap out or
Call for Jesus or
Try and pull your head away or
SLAP you….

And while she’s doing all these things, your down between her thighs looking up at her and saying to yourself…
“That’s right! This is what I do!”

Swap it round…
Ladies, same scenario.

He’s laid back, relaxed, you’re crouched down, ready to attack.
And then you go in.
But you dont just go in do you?
Oh no no no no…
You pull out all the stops, all the tricks of your trade you’ve learnt and you get him with it. You know there’s no point going half mast with it.
And you watch him squirm…
And look at you with shocked eyes…
And feeling his toes curl…
And hearing him moan his ass off…
And saying that right kind of saucy shit that makes you step up your game.

And all these moments you watch him go through are all done with the power of your mouth.

Now come on ladies and gents, you gotta feel a bit of pride knowing you can bring your partner down from a shit talking, bravado swinging ego monster to a quivering, heavy breathing mess who can’t seem to make it to their feet.
If you are serious with your head then you should be going through flashback moments in your sexual career when you put such good oral deliciousness on someone and made them damn near freak the fuck out.

I mean, how can you not feel proud as a woman, to put your lips around his dick and maybe a minute later, he’s done?
Yeah yeah yeah, I know… Missy featuring Ludacris and Trina… one minute man I know.
Obviously the onus is put on the man to have better stamina. And maybe he should.
Or maybe he’s had to deal with an unbelievably high grade of head that requires mental fortitude and spiritual enlightenment to survive.
When a woman has good head and knows how to use it, the man could build an Ironman suit around his dick and still come quick.
And if you my dear are like that with your head game, stand yo ass up and clap. (Cheeks or hands… up to you.)

With men in general, or personally speaking, if I’m able to make a woman come with my mouth in under 30 seconds, I won’t think she’s a one minute woman (hmmm… why not actually? Maybe it’s time to turn the tables…)
I’d feel proud of my head education and my talent with the tongue that has given me the power to make a woman cum quicker than a melting ice cube in hot water.

Those out there who don’t give head or do it just to placate their partner have no idea what I’m talking about.
But the rest of you know.

Because you have that pride, don’t you?

You have that power in your game that you can say to yourself ‘lemme give em some head and put em to sleep’ then proceed to do so…

You know that a twist of the hand there, a flick here and a quick rub there can make them react in the way you want them to.
Because you got it like that.

Now you don’t necessarily perform an X-Factor audition from the rooftops to all and sundry about the things you can do.
You save them for when someone is about to experience.

And when they do experience and they’re laying there in a heaving breathing heap and you stand over them like a victorious warrior, this is what you do.

You get real close to their face…
Inches away even…
Then take a few moments to watch them shiver and continue to feel the work your mouth just completed.
Then you copy the scene from R. Kelly’s Down Low video with Mr Biggs and you say…

“LOOK AT ME!!! I DID THIS TO YOU!!!”

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Have some pride in your head… you know damn well what you’re capable of doing… so have some pride in ya thang thang…

Like Morpheus said…

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Let’s start a #HGP (head givers pride) revolution!!!

By
Mr Oh

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What’s been going on in Oh Town?

Been a while since I’ve written a blog so I thought I’d just write a lil suttin’ about what’s been going on with me and my writing.
I’ve been slacking on my blogging macking so let’s change that.

Heeeeey y’all… how ya doing?

I’ve been off in the laboratory writing.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had that feeling of wanting to write (supreme writers block) and I just couldn’t shake it off.
But then Legacy Publishing came a knocking and its as if it all came back.
Then came The Train

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A free short story available to download to your kindle and nook on Amazon. Just a lil suttin suttin to keep you interested in me and my work.
This story dropped around Christmas and was closely followed by…

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Another short story giving you more of that Ohfluence, keeping the erotic mind play party going.

And now… I got another short story coming real real soon and it’s called…
7 Floors…

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A collection of short stories that will be available March 22nd 2013…

These stories were born on this same here blog but I’ve given them remixes to fill the space between now and the next extravaganza that’s coming.

And what extravaganza is this I hear you ask?
Well…

Since joining Legacy Publishing, I’ve been working on a brand new rerelease of the entire Little Black Book series.
That’s right… we’re starting all over again.

If you’re wondering why…
Business wise, it makes perfect sense… but as a writer, that means I can go back and change things I missed first time round and it also means I get to see what worked and what didn’t and change some thangs.
More importantly, I get to add some thangs.
Like more stories.
Like stories that people have been asking for.
Like more stories about some of reader’s favourite characters.
Oh, fuck it, you know I’m talking about one character only.
My gurl Tatiana Blue.

The first new Little Black Book is coming sooner than you think and is gonna be bigger and better than the original. 
Trust me, for what I’m writing, and the way it’s come out,  you’re gonna FREAKING love it.

It’s a slow burn trying to get to where I wanna be, which is writing full time all day every day and we don’t play but I’ve got stories up the ying yang so there’s gonna be a lot more of me.
And with some key potential movements going on behind the scenes, things are moving on.

But as I said at the start of this post, I’m back on my blogging ish… so if there’s anything sexy subject you think I could give some Ohfluence, lemme know…
I’ll get in there like swimwear…

Peace and hair grease
Mr Oh

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