Tag Archives: agree

Questions for GROWN freaks

Where did you put it?

How much did you like it?

Does the dick feel as good this time as it did last time?

Have you ever been horny enough to fuck on ya period?

When was the last time you recorded yourself having sex?

What’s the most number of times you’ve had an orgasm in one session?

Do you prefer soft lips on the clit or strong ones?

What IS the best way to suck a dick?

After a woman has come why does she HATE the man? (Usually when she’s rolled up in the foetal position.)

How do you treat the gooch?

Do you like it SoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo wet that your slightly embarrassed to request it?

When was your last tit wank and pearl necklace?

Have you ever been blessed by a submissive pussy eater?

Has the right touch on your neck and a clever lick on your nipples ever made you have an orgasm?

Clit only, clit mixed with a finger or tongue hole only?

Where is the most interesting place you have had sex this year?

Can you NOT come and feel like you still knocked the pussy out?

Have you ever been forced to MAKE her suck your dick?

What is it about having someone looking down at you and making you do that damn thang that is just so damn alluring?

Do you let them watch you come?

Do you know what the rabbit ears are for?

Can you look in my eyes and see what I want to go down?

When was the last time you kissed and licked the back of her knees?

Where do you put your hands when it’s time to kiss?

Ever watched her do her the way she does her when it’s just her doing her?

How long can you hold a dick in your throat without the gag reflex kicking in?

Who started it?

Are you just an enabler for good sex?

Does she come in the five Oh’s (pre-foreplay, foreplay, oral, intercourse, post-foreplay)?

Please don’t say you are one of those women who has never had an orgasm?

Do you swallow or do you like to play with it… or even have it decorate your face?

Does anal just do it for you?

How well can you work a Rampant Rabbit?

Can you take a dick dog?

Do you wanna be a dirty bitch or a filthy fucking bitch tonight?

If a massage is requested, is it understood that both of you will be naked?

Are you really embarrassed that you fucked on the first date?

Does the music you play help you to fantasise about someone else?

Have you ever worn either pair of Japanese Rain Goggles?

Could you cuckold?

Who’s that person who you’d LOVE to fuck but you’re SooOoOoOoOo not allowed?

Would you let her trib on your thigh?

Sitting in his lap, can you take the dick and spin on it 360 degrees?

What is the best song to come to?

Ever had a man’s words take your clothes off?

If you’ve had a 3some and still seek a challenge, what’s next?

Do you like to fuck with the windows open or as loud as you can, just so the neighbours can hear?

Are you an expert with a dildo?

How filthy is your mouth when you talk that shit?

Are you aware that your mouth has been watched for a long time?

If yo mama was down, you know we’d end up on Maury right?

What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever used to have an orgasm?

Ever had a blowjob while doing a handstand?

Do you put a condom on and go instantly soft?

Are you fucking to your full potential?

Do you wish your soft man to be more rough with you and your rough man to be a little more gentle?

Is she so fine that you can’t imagine desecrating her with the depraved thoughts that are running through your mind right now?

Can you REALLY handle the wok?

Have you shown your partner what you’re capable of?

Does it feel good or are you just settling because there are no more options around at the moment?

When was the last time you had your mind turned on?

Ever got so into it you let them spit in your mouth?

Do you use the two handle twist and turn method (Supahead)?

Ever thought about sneaking a finger into his ass?

Isn’t the sight of a woman ass up, face down just so damn come-enducing?

The more she talks, the more you want to please, right?

Is there a questionable picture in your phone or email right now that you look at as a reminder?

All you want is one night, not too much to ask for is it?

If he had the right keys, he could make you do all types of nasty shit couldn’t he?

Ever been dick slapped?

Has a kiss ever given you an erection?

Ever had sex somewhere your parents have sat on, eaten on, slept in or bathed in?

Can you really deepthroat or do you just gag?

Do you interlock fingers?

Are you eating her pussy the way she wants? Are you SURE?

Ever been doing something to someone so well they call you a “dirty fucker” and mean it?

You know exactly what you’re doing don’t you?

3 Comments

Filed under Oh stuff...

Do’s and don’ts of sex

Do’s and don’ts of sex…

This is in no way shape or form a DEFINITIVE guide on what you should and shouldn’t do during sex (I mean I may put my tongue where others won’t, plus if it was, this would be a BITCH of a list) – so let’s just get that out the way…

SEX

I talk about it, do it, write about it, think about it, taste it, visualise it… I just like it.
But, as we all know, there is an unwritten unspoken set of rules that people GENERALLY adhere to in order to fully succeed in achieving that REAL good, make her thighs shake, make him walk like an Egyptian, sweat dripping, body trembling sex.

These are 10 do’s and don’ts for the best way to achieve the sex that your friends TELL you they have… unless you’re freakier than them…

DO’S

 1.

PAY ATTENTION – a simple, but HUGE start. Watch what makes your partner tick, what makes her voice hit that Mariah Carey octave or what makes him grab all over your body because he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Chances are, if you are hitting that SPOT the right way, and you keep doing it, someone’s gonna be coming soon.

WOMEN: If a woman moans when your twist her left nipple, breath on her right one, with one finger on her clit and another making it’s way in, then she LIKES it. DUH! So remember that move and add it to your mental rolodex.

MEN: Anything that gets his toes curling, face frowning or anything that makes him open his mouth in a perfect O is a keeper.

 2.

 BE DARING – why not try a spank from on high? Or rub the space between his balls and his anus during head? There are still a lot of hang-ups about particular sexual practices in the world but, to be honest, the quietest of people will like the freakiest of things.

WOMEN: If your head is telling you to suck his dick like a porn star, armed with porn star wrist action, dirty talk and saliva, then try it.

MEN: If you want to lift her legs back PAST her head and lick her ENTIRE crotch, what’s stopping you? What have you got to lose? Besides a possible eruptive orgasm.

3.

 ALWAYS BE PREPARED – at one point or another, we’ve all finished and realised that the ‘clean up towel’ is out of reach or the flannel is in the bathroom and SOMEONE has to get up. But no one wants to move. So make sure, you’re ready for any eventuality.

MEN: If you plan to tie her up, but she doesn’t know it yet, make sure you tie up the restrains before she even gets to the bedroom. Hide things under the pillow, under the mattress, etc.

WOMEN: are generally prepared because they decided they were gonna sleep with you about two days ago AND how it was going to go.

 4.

LET IT ALL GO – that’s the best way to be… free as a bird… not thinking about your Tesco’s shopping list or if it is CSI Miami or CSI Vegas on today… your mind should be on the task at hand. Distractions can lead to sudden situations such as:

WOMEN: leaving your mind temporarily and saying the first name that comes out of your mouth, even if it isn’t the name of the person above or below you. (It’s happened…)

MEN: not really feeling the way she’s working you, and the dreaded DROOP kicks in and no amount of looking or touching is getting it back up.

 5.

SWALLOW – there is nothing like watching or listening to someone slurping down the fruit juice of your labour… especially if you’ve been made to wait or have CHOSEN to wait it out. If you’ve been made to feel the way you should, you will WANT swallow what is coming to you… but if you’re not having your scratch itched, it could also brighten up the most boring of sessions.

MEN: don’t be scared of pussy juice… it won’t scald you… or turn your skin green. If you’re reading this and saying something along the lines of ‘I don’t go down for nobody’, then YOUR missing out… TRUST ME!

WOMEN: what is there to say about swallowing that you don’t already know? Nothing… just make it wet and deep and God bless ya!

DON’TS

 6.

 BODIES ARE NOT TOYS – whether you stroke the dick with too much kung-fu grip or your fingernails are too long to slide inside, you gotta make sure that YOU are representing yourself. Groom yaself, take care of the body you bring to the table and the body you are trying to please… it is there for your pleasure, not for you to treat like some old t-shirt that you paint in.

WOMEN: a few things to always remember – a strong grip on a dick isn’t ALWAYS necessary. Sometimes, men keep quiet, but we don’t like for our head’s to look like they’re about to explode. Teeth too. You gotta remember to keep them teeths covered… they have ROUGH edges… a grimace isn’t always in pleasure.

MEN: groping is fine to an extent but you have to be given the permission, otherwise keep it smooth and constantly moving. Another thing, not ALL women like a ‘rammer jammer’ in bed so don’t think that ramming her THROUGH the headboard will make her come. I did say, not all, because there is a fair share of women who don’t mind that all night long.

 7.

KEEP TOILET GAMES IN THE TOILET – not much of a fan of being pissed or shit on to be honest… but some people do… to each their own… but, if you ARE into that type of thing, MAKE SURE the other person is too. Because you don’t want her to be coming like a geyser then you stand over her and take a number two. This touches on ‘DO number 5’, but men HAVE to know the difference between a woman coming in their mouth and a woman peeing. If you don’t then… HAHAHAHAHA… take that shit to the grave… YOU got caught slipping.

MEN: just don’t do it.

WOMEN: just don’t do it either… leave the golden showers for private time on the can.

 8.

SENSES – it’s one thing for your body to not be into it, but for your eyes and mouth to show disinterest is a REAL mood killer. If you’re lying there, like a rag doll, forcing yourself into position, huffing and puffing when something feels wrong, rolling your eyes, fixing up your mouth like you’d rather be drunk, etc. It’s not a good look. And, in turn, the performance from both participants will suffer and the orgasm could just be to get it out the way so one of you can sleep. Why are you fucking in the first place?

WOMEN: though a lot of sexual emphasis regarding sounds is put on women, you DO make our engines roar when we hear the road enjoying the ride. If you’re not feeling it, it’s better to keep it real and just say, ‘you know what, we need to stop!’ Better that then feeding his ego, making him feel like he ROCKED the Casbah, when really, you were mentally fucking someone else.

MEN: do not restrict your vocab in the moment to ‘uh’, ‘oh’, ‘um’, ‘yeah’, ‘that’s it’ and, my personal favourite, ‘oh yeah’. Give it some variation, throw a, ‘bet you can’t get it all in your mouth’, or a sly, ‘look how big your mouth is, I know you can do better’. (Though the last one could STOP everything and turn her into, ‘what do you mean my mouth is big? What, you saying I talk too much? See, I knew it… my girlfriends told me about you.’ And you watch her walk away. So CAREFUL!)

 
9.

 WALK THE STRUT IF YOU’VE TALKED THE GAME – there is nothing worse than bragging about your CRAZY head game or your WEST BANK dick that will have her screaming, ‘GAZAMISEH’… and NOT delivering the product advertised. Don’t promise a porn star performance if you know you only need two positions to get your nut and drop to a quick slumber. Keep it real with yourself. Only offer what your willing to give. That way there’s no expectations.

WOMEN: Give him what he ordered or what you provided for him on the menu… if you’re willing to go that extra mile, let him know, or spring it on him when his mind is somewhere else.

MEN: okay… now… men have a tendency to talk a good game more than women do. But that’s because the onus is put on men to MAKE the sex good for both of you. Plus, it’s not our fault… unfortunately, and it’s yet to be scientifically proven, but, our dicks sometimes speak for us. So when the opportunity to talk sex arises, so does our junior selves. And they like to talk about all the things they can do, based on past experiences, but every time is different. So don’t think that you’ll be able to fuck for four hours like you did with your ex, and then come after five minutes. Which leads me on to my next point… you cannot… repeat CANNOT blame a case of premature ejaculation on her ‘good pussy’. They don’t buy it guys.

 10.

SEX TOOL KIT – sex is not a plaster on a stab wound of a relationship, it will not FIX your problems, mend your broken heart or define your status on this planet. It will make you feel good for… as long as you can make it last for. Someone is thinking about having sex right now for all the wrong reasons, but, to them, they can’t see anything but legs in the air. It is a temporary euphoric release that dissipates after you’ve caught your breath after an orgasm… or had that bomb diggy nap. Because if you’re having sex to hide, mask or fix something, the pain of the wound will still be there.

WOMEN: rule sex, don’t let it rule you.

MEN: it may seem like the GALICE thing to do but sex is not a badge of honour.

Maybe you agree with my do’s and don’ts, maybe you think I’m way off, but, hey, you’ve been entertained!

Be good with it…

Peace and hair grease

Mr Oh

DON’T FORGET: Little Black Book – OUT NOW via amazon and all good internet and book shops

1 Comment

Filed under Oh stuff...