Tag Archives: caboose

Olympic sport of ass watching

I have no freaking idea!

I can’t explain it.
Understand it.
Get my head around it.
Or figure out what the hell it is that gets me so damn turned on.
There are LESSONS on it.
You can watch someone being caught by it.
Shit like that has caused car accidents.
Made two people come to blows over it.
It could change a life.
You do it with a quick corner of your eye without turning ya head.
Make a bad day start to look up.
Cross your line of vision and make you forget what you were going to say.

Men do it.
Women do it more, not always for the same reasons.
It can start some shit.
Inspire some shit.
Make a man have to call his partner and let her know that it’s on when he gets home.
On a good day, it can make you want to give someone a hard, open handed palm slap with no remorse.
Other days, it just makes you smile.
And no two days of seeing it are the same.
That’s why it rules.

And with the sun coming out just that little bit more, I’ll take another shot at trying to get to the ‘bottom’ of this issue.

So, it’s a normal day. You wake up feeling normal. Shit, shower, dressed and out to whatever job or vice you do. You’re safely waiting for the traffic to stop so you can cross the road when out of nowhere, a woman with the FATTEST ass walks past your line of sight.

You see it. You can’t DENY you see it because you’ve probably stopped in the middle of the road, that’s the caliber with which this ass takes you by surprise.
The kind of ass you look at and think, “good GOD, is that REAL?”


The only thing to wake you from the dream of staring, and fantasy fucking, this ass is the BEEP BEEP of the car your standing in front of.
You may have lived this kind of episode outside of the car or you’ve been inside the car when you see the ass… either way you see the ass and your mouth just drops.

Perfect O.

And all this because of seeing THAT ass.

Maybe it’s just me and my eyes but it seems like asses out there these days are getting slightly out of control.
How in the hell can women, in all their shapes and sizes and rotations, still be coming out HARDER in the ass department? Naturally, no sillicone, no butt pads, I’m talking good, clean, wholesome caboose?
I mean bigger, larger, sturdier, shapelier, rounder with more circumference?
And it’s not just ladies of colour that are bringing the shape to the shindig as history has shown us.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been an ass man.
Maybe it’s ‘cuz I’m from a Nigerian background and I grew up with asses everywhere… who knows…

But I do love an ass… In all it’s shapes and sizes.
I do like to watch the damn thing move.
Even standing still, it’s a great thing to watch. When a woman rests her weight on one leg and makes the caboose just POP.

But, nothing and I mean nothing, is the same as walking down the road on a summer day and seeing a pair of thighs coming towards you. (Not literally just a pair of thighs, obviously their attached to someone.)
Already you’ve decided whether or not the woman walking towards you has an ass that you should look at. Then you look…
And it’s better than you thought it would be.
Makes you thank God you turned around.
Sometimes you take a look and you find that the thighs lied from the front but that’s okay… a good pair of thighs shouldn’t go to waste either.

Now there will be that portion of the population who feel that its disrespectful to stare at a woman’s ass in that way and it makes said woman feel objectified.

AAAAAAHHHHHH HUUSHAADEFACKUP!

Really?

I CAN see how a woman can feel that way. But those folk are forgetting about the positive effects a nice ass can have on a community.
Yeah, I said it, community.
A good ass can bring people together and make strangers become friends.
Case in point, two men walking towards each other on a high road.
Between them is a bus stop.
As they get closer to each other, a bus approaches and stops.
A woman gets off the bus and has the type of shape that makes a mouth drop open.
One man already has her ass in his sights but the man approaching has to wait until she passes before he gets to see.
She passes, his head turns, then he turns back.
The two men make eye contact.
A moment of understanding that THAT was an ass.
They smile.
Passing comment maybe.
All because an ass brought them together.
Best example of this can be seen at the Notting Hill Carnival.
Trust me, ass brings people together there.

The thing about ass watching today is that there are more women that do it than… okay, I can’t say more than men but a lot of them do it.
They’re a lot slicker at it and it’s not as much about judging the woman on what she’s wearing. Women appreciate another woman’s shape and can look at each other and say, ‘she’s sexy’. A heavy mix of arousal and appreciation… but most times, it’s ass watching.
For a man, watching a woman watching another woman is obviously the shit ‘cuz he instantly thinks THREESOME…
He may not even know the women but he thinks it.
Some women too.

The art of watching a good ass should be an Olympic sport and should recognised by FIFA and given goal-line technology.
Ask any man or woman the best way to watch a woman and they’ll give you a step-by-step play of how to get maximum view time.
Some of the advice will be straight to the point and some will be quite sneaky and damn near 007 about it.
There’s the classic ‘wait till she passes’, ‘check her reflection in a shop front window’, ‘look at her from the front and then the back’ and the ‘pre-turn’, which is used by those men who are walking with someone who they don’t want to see them look.
Quite clever and very simple. But, one that women have figured out.
(If they haven’t, they have now.)

The ‘pre turn’ is when he turns his head and looks behind him BEFORE the woman passes so that when she does pass, he’s already looking. He won’t need to look for long because the SHE he’s walking with might start to realise.
(If you feel I’m giving away game, then you need to step yours up…)

There’s the negative side of ass watching where some neanderthals feel the urge to say something totally offensive or even attempt to feel the amazing shape before them. And those folk should be circumcised with the Olympic torch.
Always some mofos that like to ruin it for the people who play the sport by the unwritten rules.

But for those who play the game without letting anyone know, for those who are able to spot a good shape at 500 yards, for those who have stories about asses they’ve seen that you could describe but you “just had to be there”, this one ‘s for you.
And with the resurgence of women enjoying wearing leggings every damn day and every damn where, there’s a lot more to look at.
Damn leggings!

To my fellow watchers out there, I tip my literary hat.
We’re a part of a very large club that is literally EVERYWHERE…
All we ask is that women take the time to feel sexy enough about themselves that they wear those thangs that make heads turn, necks ache, cars crash and sudden moments in time feel like fireworks on a clear night.

You know that kind of shape that makes you look and say to yourself, “DAAAAAAMN!”

Watch on watchers, watch on…

By Mr Oh

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Little things that make BIG explosions

Little things… (thanks @SimoneKarmaRae)

The things that make you smile to yourself when no-one else is around.
They take place every day.
Right in front of you.

Driving down a long road and every light happens to be green, working in the office and you roll up a paper ball and shoot from the three-point line and SWISH, finding money in your clothes that you didn’t know was there, etc.

In the bedroom, the LITTLE things can cause big explosions and inspire a normal person to become an animal in the blink of an eye.

Different people have different triggers but we all have something we like to see or do or feel that makes us go from cool, calm, collected lovers to damn beasts.

When I say little things, I mean minute things like watching a woman take a top off.

Oh sweet mercy and Red Sea, watching a woman take over a top in preparation for some loving is such a sexy thang. Especially if she’s taken her jeans/trousers/skirt off first.

Standing there… looking all leggy and righteous. Then she reaches for her top, crosses her arms and up and over it comes.

The way she takes it off isn’t where the sexy is found, it’s in the reveal of her skin. As a man, you know that if the top has come off, you’re doing okay, but to be presented with her skin so close to you, makes you wanna get the party started. Damn near ravish the woman.

At the right time, a little thing can not only add an extra spark of electricity to the union, it can make a person come, it can put a person to SLEEP and can make a woman have a multiple orgasm.

The scale of little things that people like is so varied that this post could go on and on and on… but each ‘thing’ is understandable and can be appreciated by anyone. Even if it is a bit on the weird, freaky, WTF side.

A dude who likes his ass played with could be looked at with ridicule and shouts of ‘homo’ by closed minded folk, but those men who have indulged before can understand at least. And those that aren’t down at least know that there is SOME sort of pleasure to be gained from it.

They just ain’t ready to open up, pardon the pun.

A woman who likes a man to run his fingers in between her toes may not get a hi-five from those who are afraid of toes but you can at least appreciate that foot play DOES have some turn-on capabilities.

Obviously, those are two examples of extremes of little things but they vary from person-to-person.

Funny thing about little things is that the best time they happen is when the person doing them doesn’t realise that they are doing it.

Watching her bend over to get something out of a cupboard and the top of her panties peek out. Not a whole string, just the top.

A little frill from the top of a pair of purple French knickers.

Running her hands through her hair, clearing her face and sighing heavily while closing her eyes. She looks like she’s drifting away for a moment.

Am I the only one who wants to get into her space, steal her breath and be inches away from her when she opens her eyes?

Little things that happen outside the bedroom live in your memory when you get into the bedroom.

You remember last week when you watched her spray perfume on her neck as you now lick behind her ear and she hums like an old negro spiritual.

She’s riding you so hard, it’s like she’s trying to erase you from existence and all you can think about is when you watched her randomly putting her panties on, sliding them over her calves, sliding them up her thighs and POPPING over the caboose…

 

CHOO CHOO!!!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo…. I’ve got a good one.

Watching her eat or drink something.

Oh yeah… I’m gonna go into this one…

Make it clear how a small turn on becomes a large, humongous, back-cracking burden.

Your sitting in front of him.

Your out or at home, your choice.

Let’s say your out.

There is food or drink in front of you.

Let’s make it some alcohol.

Something you’ve never tried before but always wanted to.

You pick up the glass, you look at it, analyse the colour, get close so you can smell its essence.

ALREADY, he’s watching you.

The way you hold the glass, how your eyes wonder at the mystery in front of you, the sweet sin across your face as you like what your nose inhales.

He’s picturing how you’ll hold his dick, how you’ll look at it and analyse it before you suck it, the way you smile just before you give him your ‘tried-and-tested’, make-em-buss-quick-not-to-be-messed-with head game.

And you haven’t even sipped it yet.

The first sip is the first lick.

The savour of the flavour is the moment she looks up with eyes that say, “I’m taking this dick to school,” just before deep-throating.

The swallow, followed by the appreciation of each and every ingredient, is the moment after the first lick and suck. And she looks at him like, “If you can’t handle that, then THIS is gonna kill ya!”

  • A woman’s walk
  • Being on a train or bus and she’s holding a rail and her shape defines right in front of you
  • Adjusting her bra strap
  • Brushing fluff from her thighs
  • Turning to face you with a look of, “What did you say?”
  • Biting her lips
  • Washing plates and dancing to herself
  • Licking her lips
  • Listening to her SLOW JAM and watching her gentle she becomes with herself
  • Breathing in general
  • Doing ANYTHING in oversized tracksuit bottoms, a t-shirt or vest and a headtie

 

Like I said before, little things are everywhere for everyone. They take any shape, happen at any time and arouse and entertain in the moan of an orgasm.

We enjoy them in the office, on the way to work, at the club, in the supermarket, while at church and everywhere else.

Little pleasures that start trains of thought in your head that get saved in your mental roladex for those stolen moments when you say to yourself, “Remember when she was tired the other day and stretched and her booty-to-back ratio popped out? That was nice.”

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