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Letter to Mr Non-Eater

Dear Mr I’m-Too-Good-To-Visit-Lower-Lands,

This is my letter to you. Yes YOU!

You may not necessarily want to read this letter but I think it’s time someone spoke to you and really put you on to what the fuck is goings on.

With so many issues to cover, I don’t even know where to start… but the beginning is a good place.
It’s 2011… the year of the double one. That means fuck all really but, what it does mean is that its another year that you have NOT sucked a pussy yet and I have to ask WHY?

Are you one of those people that feel that it’s a dirty, disgusting, vulgar practice?
Are you one of those folk who look at a pussy and are happy to stick your dick in it with no condom but refuse to let your lips linger down there?
Are you one of those fellas who say on the regular, in bad English, “I don’t eat no pussy”, “mi nah bowcatt” or “I don’t eat nothing that bleeds”.

What, exactly, is stopping you sir?
Huh?!
What, does the idea of eating pussy scare you? Are you scared of doing it? Are you worried you won’t do it right?
I can hear you staying strong and saying, “nah man, I just don’t do dem tings”.
Well, what tings?
Because I know you’ll be quick to drop the head push on her and try and get her to slip your dick into her mouth.
So what’s wrong with reciprocation?

I mean, sir, FA REAL?!?!?
Are you the kind of man that doesn’t like to kiss either? (Don’t get me started on those guys.)

I have to ask: how can you be living your life without eating some pussy along the way?
I know it’s not for everyone and not everyone will like the taste, but, it is an acquired one. And, really, it’s not about you. It’s about her.

Don’t worry sir, I’m not telling you to go around eating every pussy you put your dick into but, damn homes, find one you wouldn’t mind eating and go for it, face first.
It ain’t gonna bite ya, it won’t even cuss you for it… in fact, it’s the exact opposite.
This may sound like some “God Forbid” advice but ask a man who eats pussy about the response he gets from her and you’ll start to see what the attraction is.

There are many things you can do with the basic sliding a dick in but there is another level of pleasure and enjoyment for her with a tongue.
Firstly, as you know, women have something that’s called a clitoris… usually the thing you try slip ya dick into before you realise her entrance is lower down.
Now that little button is just as important, sometimes MORE, than the actual insertion and intercourse. And in a head situation, it can be the difference between her deciding to give you no head or break out the sloppy, Lethal Lipps inspired, Kakey sponsored head that makes you NOT wanna watch.
Any headologist who knows how to treat a pussy right knows and remembers the most extreme reaction he’s ever received from a woman. He will tell you about the screaming, the sheet scrunching, the attempts to run away, the breath holding, the eyes rolling back, the calls out to God, the tapping out, the ‘trying to push the head out’, the scratching, etc.
For a woman as well, there is nothing like seeing an attractive man (well I’m hoping you’re not a Dog Of The Face sufferer) between her thighs handling her business.

See the problem with you, sir “I-don’t-lick-nuttin”, is that you are spending all this time not eating pussy thinking about the fact that you don’t wanna eat pussy for whatever your reason, but what about she?
Doesn’t she deserve some pleasure?
Doesn’t she deserve the right to be pleased by something other than your dick?
Did you ever think that you might not be slanging the pipe the way you think and she’s truly not being pleased?
Or don’t you think she’s worth it?
(But is she worthy enough to suck your dick? If the answer was yes, and I imagine for most non-eaters it was, then SHE needs to reevaluate some thangs. Lady readers, has he ever gotten you to suck his dick but not returned the favour? Thank about it…)

The worst thing is that the stigmas you attach to sucking pussy are all crap and mean sweet fuck all.
Here’s a few of the most common misconceptions about sucking pussy, maybe this will change ya mind…

The taste
For years and years (even when I was growing up) there was always this thought that pussy smells and tastes like fish, Maybe that’s born from the younger days of fingering girls and smelling your finger afterwards. Maybe you stuck your finger in some unclean pootie tang and it scarred you for life, but really, pussy does not smell and taste like fish. It’s kind of like… fruit juice. I can hear shouts of denial but seriously, it doesn’t taste as bad as her scent may suggest and, trust me, once you’re in there, you will LOVE it… But you gotta get past that ‘fish thinking’ barrier. Once you’re past that, it’s smooth sucking from there.

Liquid on the face
Some of you men out there are SCARED of pussy juice. Yep, I said it, you’re scared of it. Why? I don’t know. It’s not like it’s the acid spit from the Alien that just melts everything it touches. Again, anyone who has spent a lot of time down between a woman’s thighs knows that once it’s on your face, it’s there. What can you do about it? Nothing… just go on go on…
Best way to get over this stigma is to take some time out to just play with pussy juice. Seriously. Take a moment or two to just get some on your fingers and play with it, become ONE with the juice, smell it, stretch it between ya fnigers… until you’re at a stage where it being on your face is MINOR. (Pretty soon, you’ll get to a point where you’ll want it on your face at all times, you’ll wanna watch her masturbate and rub her moist fingers on your lips… okay, that just may be me…)

Being DOWN there
Being a man, you may think that being down there is, pardon the pun, beneath you, and there is no way you will ever find yourself BELOW a woman in that way. Like there’s something wrong with that. Au contre mon fre… it is in fact the most liberating thing to feel and experience and I’ll tell you why. Women love to be in control, especially in sex. Sure they want a man who will take control and put her where he wants her and do what need to be done, but, at the same time, they wanna drive the vehicle too. And in a head situation, especially where she is on her back with her legs open, you are giving her that control. The control to be able to hold your head still and fuck your face, the control to slide her pussy up and down your face, the control to squeeze her thighs and restrict how and where you eat. That control, plus the idea of looking down at you, gives her a simple pleasure that no other sexual practice can give. Because in that position, with she laid back, all she has to think about and experience is the fact that you are there to please her, nothing more, nothing less. So think less about feeling emasculated because you are below a woman and start thinking in terms of, I’m giving her the power, let her enjoy it.

The label attached to men who do that
In the UK men who eat pussy are usually referred to as bowcatts, rug munchers, fish mongers, pum pum eaters and general nasty men. BUT, are the people who call you these things there with you in the bedroom when you’re doing what you’re doing? No, so who gives a fuck what people (generally other men) think or say about the fact that you do that?
Here’s a few responses I like to give out when someone tries to frown or say something about my pussy eating exploits:

“The way she came tells me that I’m a GOOD bowcatt…”
“Yeah I eat pussy and I’m DAMN greaat at it too…”
“Lemme see you make her come 20 times in half an hour with your 10 minute dick game..”
“Mad at me? Why ‘cuz my girl is talking to your girl and now YOUR girl is hassling you for head?”
“You see that smile on her face? That’s from good pussy eating…”
“Don’t get mad at me sir, if you don’t wanna do it to her, that’s fine, but guaranteed she has a friend who’s getting good head and all the stories she’s hearing are PISSING her off with you because you won’t do it… or you do it badly on purpose…”
“It’s cool, but she WILL find someone who will eat her pussy…”
“Of COURSE I eat pussy, my tongue is seven inches for crying out loud.”

Hopefully sir, you have read something that has maybe changed your mind about not eating her pussy. As I said before, I’m not telling you to go out and eat every pussy that comes your way, but, think about finding one and giving it a try. There’s no way in the world that she won’t be, pardon the pun, down for it and, for the way that she could possibly respond, it’s SOOOO worth it.
Throw all those stigmas out the window, suck it up and get down there…
I know for a fact if you won’t, and everyone else around her is getting it, she WILL find someone out there who will eat it for FREE…

Because what you don’t know is that there is a plethora of men out there who are absolutely ravenous and will eat a pussy just because it’s a new day. They are the hungry men who enjoy nothing more than eating the pussies of women whose men are not giving them any.
These men like the idea of doing something that her man isn’t doing, it gives them a nice, sinister pleasure to know that they have a part of your woman that you will never be able to hold on to.

All because you didn’t wanna eat no pussy.

You don’t have to admit you read something in this letter and it made you change your mind about eating pussy. Maybe you wanna be a down-low eater, that’s fine… but for the LOVE of clitorial orgasms, be like Nike and JUST DO IT!

Signed,

The Pied Piper of Pussy eating

Mr Oh

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Ever played ‘Tell Me When’?

Do you play games during sex?
Not like hide and go seek, rock, paper, scissors or kiss chase (though all three games can be played during sex if you slip it in right).
There is space and time for a lot of things during sex and games can sometimes be a fun addition to the session.

Out there, in between thighs and hiding behind libidos are two games that people play all the time. Sometimes they’re played knowingly, with rules and goals involved. Other times, they’re played unknowingly where the only way you know your playing a game is when eyes meet or a regular slap continues in the same place at roundabout the same time.
The games I’m bringing to ya libidos are personal creations of mine, though I imagine you may know them as something else completely different but the names are mine. (Copyright©)

I IMPLORE you to play these game as the results you get from it can only be known as mind blowing, thigh cramping, heart beating, liquid licking up business that will make a stomach shake with anticipation and make ya partner’s mouth open wide but no words come out.
It’s something I try to play every time I have a pussy in my mouth (my way of enjoying the game) but there are numerous ways to play it.
It’s not necessarily about what you use to play the games… because that is well and truly irrelevant. You could use a toilet brush and get the same results. (Though I wouldn’t use that. She won’t thank you for it and neither will he… )
Prison flashback…. ANYWHOOO…

The first game is called Tell Me When and here’s how you play…

As I said before, you may play it as a game with another name but the intention is still the same. The idea of Tell Me When is that you give control to the person you are… doing. How do you do that?

Here’s how you do that…
Let’s say you’re a man… and you have her on all fours like a dog stretching its front legs. So that ass is high and looking fly in the air. You look at the from the left and right, trying to formulate how your gonna tackle it… but you do…
The game works well and best with a partner that you have already put some work in on. So, let’s say you’re an hour into a number of position changes and she ends up with her body flattened to the bed with her ass up.
Slip in as you slip in and make sure you build a BRILLIANT rhythm that has her reaching for things just so she can grips the shit out of it. Or she’s throwing pillows off the bed in a pissed off way like, ‘why the fuck are these things here, getting in my way?’
From here, this is a good time to play the game.
When she’s wet, heavy breathing, making noises like a mix of Lethal Lipps and Italia Blue (I love her sound) then that is when you strike…
And strike hard and sudden.

To start the game, all you have to do is stop moving.
Stop pumping, stop flowing and giving her the dick that will soon make her arrive like DHL and pull out damn near to the tip.
Plain and simple… stop moving… and withdraw.
But only come out as far as you can without flopping out of her… you’re gonna need to be ready for a quick re-entry.
When you’ve done that, and her moaning stops and her moving waist stops and she turns around to look at you like, ‘why the fuck did you stop?’ – that’s when you look at her and say three simple words… “TELL ME WHEN.”
What you’re doing is giving her the control of her fuck and, more importantly, her orgasm. When she ‘tells you when’, that’s when you drive in, fast or slow, into that pussy that was ANTICIPATING your next move.
Because that sudden stop shit you just did probably annoyed her but her pussy walls were OVER-anticipating the next stroke and still buzzing.
Try it… bet you the first stroke you throw in there will make her back arch and she’ll moan a sweet moan.
The power of Tell Me When is that the receiver is getting what they want, when they want it, hopefully at the consistency that they want it. It should be like getting a vibrator worked inside you that is controlled by someone else but just the way you like.
By the time you play a few rounds of Tell Me When once or twice, she may be so close to an orgasm, she may think ‘fuck this tell me when shit’ and pound ya till she comes.
That’s a sign that you played a good game.

Ladies, this one’s for you…
Get on top of him… sit up as you do it so your arms are straight and down on his chest. This should give you the leverage to lift yaself up and down on him, letting the slippery sensation of you slide all over his dick.
Make sure you got that dude’s toe curling with good feeling and head thrashing with ‘sheeeet, I can’t hold this shit off’. That’s the best time; when your hips are rolling and he’s looking like he’s getting punched up by Deebo.
Then you stop… maybe lift off him… not so that the dick falls out but just enough that your lips are holding him straight up. Then look at him and ask him… Tell Me When…
He may probably try and grab ya hips and force the dick into you… but NUH UHHH booo booo… he’s gotta take it!
It may take one round of the game to get him INTO it but he’ll definitely like it.
As I said before, there are a number of positions this game can be played in… you just have to find a position where you can gain control of ya partner so you can make them feel real good in it then STOP!
And look at them in the eyes when they look at you – and they will look at you -and say in a strong ass voice… TELL ME WHEN!
They may not be sure at first what you’re doing but by the time you slide the dick in or slide down the dick, they’ll know fo’ sho’!
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo… and play it during oral sex…
Fellas, if you have the chance to slide a tongue in enough that she starts fucking your face… stop her suddenly. Then look up between her thighs and tell her, Tell Me When.
If she tries to quickly grab the back of your head, you know she’s almost there or she was really enjoying it… eitherway, she needs to play the game.
Ladies, if you get between his thighs are have a chance to get the dick in your mouth, work it for a while then stop just as your getting to your sloppy peak. Then look him in the eyes… with the dick still in ya mouth and then say, Tell Me When.
If you’re not sure if it will work, the only way is to try it.
You don’t have to say I told you. You can easily claim it as your own… just make sure your partner doesn’t read me blogs…

(If anyone plays Tell Me When, email me at misterohyes@googlemail.com and let me know if it worked for you as it does for me…)

BY Mr Oh

NEXT GAME: Tell Me No

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A Rider’s waist shouldn’t go to waste

On the suggestion of one of my Twitter followers (who’s name shall be protected so no one questions her riding game), I have been asked to write a little blog about the intricacies of riding.
So, this one is mainly for the ladies… but fellas who like a rider, let me know if I’m hitting the nail on the head.

For those who aren’t down with the art of riding during sex… then this one is for you…

Riders are normal, everyday people.
They enjoy sex in all variations, usually about the time when they are able to throw their hips or waist into a position that gives them a fair degree of control.
A rider enjoys what they do. They know how to quint, tick tock, hard wine, drop it like its hot and and all that good stuff.
As a rider, rough or gentle, you, miss lady, are not afraid to get on top and let ya stomach show, whether it’s small, flat, curved, rounded or slightly flabby.
Really, it’s not your body that your worried about. It’s your technique. It’s the ride… the grind… the way the dick slips up inside you. Maybe even rubs against that internal button right nicely.

Riders and their riding game are focused on WORKING that shit. Making sure that the wine and grind is deep, connected and feeling good for everyone.
Women who like to get on top and throw it down on a man know the feeling of what it’s like to have the dick deep inside you.

When a woman sits on top and straightens her back and starts to ride, the dick gets RIGHT up in there.

SoOoOoOoOo in there, you might start to feel it in the back of your throat… if it’s one of THOSE dicks.
But the art of good riding is to make that dick touch different places inside of you. You may lean the hips to the left, rock the waist to the right just so things touch different… thangs.
For the right rider, a dick inside during the ride is an orgasm after a few rounds of the grind. For others, you have to work up to the orgasm. For some, its just a position on the way to another.

But you riders out there… oooooooh, you love it don’t ya you dirty filthy grinders you…

Now, if you don’t know how to ride… or you have an issue with riding.. or you just wanna add a new recipe to ya cook book, eitherway, here’s a few tips on how to best work the ride… And how to take it…

Lean with it-
This is a fan favourite of mine and definitely one that women and men alike prefer to use. Side effects include being sweat on but that’s a minor when someone is coming on you in such a way that they’re squeezing pussy walls on ya. You won’t really care.
Now when a woman gets on top and she rolls with the lean with it move, there are a few things to remember as a man.
Number one, you need to remember that being on top and riding means that she will have full control of the stroke. So if you are anywhere near coming, do not let her get you into this position because you WILL buss real quick.
When she climbs on, and you slip in, and she starts to rock her roll all over you, her rhythm will definitely speed up. But that’s not what you are looking out for. It is the moment when she leans forward on ya chest or on the headboard.
This gives her extra leverage in the back. When I mean in the back, I mean in the hips that she should be working and jerking. By leaning forward, she is able to work what she’s working that little bit easier.
Pound it, spin on it, circle on top of it… any kinda work.
The movement, coupled with the lean forward, comes together like moving the hair out of a woman’s face while she is giving you head. So you can see and feel it better.
Same thing.
A rider likes the freedom that allows them to pound and bang with no issues, dramas or distractions.
Best way to take this ride is to just take it. Let her do what it is she wants to do.

Put ya hands by by your side, under her arms so there is no distraction. I know its the ting to leave your hands out so that you are able to hold on, grab on, spank or control her if you need to but, don’t.
Just let her go.

You come when you come. Probably a few seconds after the HARD grind starts.

Equally sexy when she turns around in the reverse upright cowgirl.

Doggystyle ride –

As a woman, if you think that there is no way for you to jump on the ride and keep the ride going in the doggy, then you are wrong and you have been doing it wrong.
You see, in that position, a woman rules a man for how ever many strokes he can manage. He may grab your waist and decide whether to rock fast or slow but you, miss lady are in control.

You know it. He knows it.
You should know that a little twist of your hips will drive him mad, a heavy back and forth slam will make him have to come out so he doesn’t come quick.
Really though, fuck all that.
In this position, the control is in the waist of a woman when she commands him to stay still… and fucks him.
Make him stay still.
Tell him not to move.
This is the sexiest thing to a man when a woman DEMANDS that he stay still, not move, basically follows orders.
Once you’ve got him mannequin in place, back it up.
Not a typical RIDE as such but to those who excel in this position, and get a GOOD nut in this position, you know where the ride is.

In this position, it’s not as simple as just backing it up. You have to play a role with your lower half.
It may seem a little silly to get your award-winning performance on while your face down, ass up but your waist and your hips have to take on a mind of their own.
THIS is the ride.
Twist ya hips to the right as you slide off the dick then twist to the left as you take him back in. (Useful to hear a song in your head that has a good rhythm to it, helps the movement.)

THEN…

Get flat.
Not literally.
I mean press yourself down to the bed as far as you can without dropping your ass. This is the true definition of face down, ass up.
You should look like a BMX ramp the way your back is arched.
Clench yourself backwards away from him, to the point that his tip is visible, hopefully creamed with you, then take him back in, fast or slow, however you like it. Keep him still so your doing all the sliding.
Look back at him and make sure he’s watching. That adds to the thrill.

REALLY, a woman can ride you in any position you slip her into. For wrestling fans, it’s like getting caught slipping and having a figure four leglock put on you.
When she gets going, and her hips start moving and her waist starts grinding and her body starts moving, make you sit back and watch it!
It’s a thing of beauty to see, better than 3D and, for she, it should be a pussy grinding party.
Constant switch-ups, mixed with hard grinds, long strokes and deep pokes should have even the most seasoned of swordsmen trying to slow you down.

That’s the mark of a goood rider… when your doing that thang that you do and he has to hold your hips to slow you down or change the flow. That means the thing your doing is making him good to go.

A lil bounce when your on top, a lil back arching when your ass is up, a good grip on the bed when your on your side so you can really pound on him.
There’s a good rider in every woman, she just needs to find her favourite rhythm to ride on.
What’s your riding song?

Whatever it is, find it, hear it, use it, ride it, get it, sleep on it…
He’ll thank you for it…

By Mr Oh

I know the pancakes are random but are they really? Is the syrup on hot pancakes a metaphor for the orgasm you should receive as the result of a good ride? Or are the pancakes just a good prize after a good ride out?

You choose…

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I will but will you?

(Thanks to the amazing, hella fine, Kool and the gang, hook a brother up with a 3 day pass @SexySecret09 for the idea…)

So it’s another night.
You and your partner are together.
Ya warm and all agreeable and shit.
At a point where fingers are fiddling, eyes are meeting and speaking, your libidos are raging and there is nothing else to do except get it on.
Her bra goes this way, his boxers go that way…
His resolve goes out the window and her restraint was left at the front door.
It’s HOT now and nervous fingers become busy and focused on the lecture at hand.
The first kiss is electric.
Your damn near singing H-Town’s The Rain in your mind.
His hands on the small of your back is just what the doctor ordered.
She masturbating him all nice and wet.
It’s about to do DOWN…
Her thighs are too and fro.
His dick is up and more than ready to rock and roll…

Then…

It happens.

The inappropriate question. The gesture for a step in the wrong direction that makes you feel not so sexy anymore.

“Babe, will you eat my ass?”

“Can I spray whipped cream in your pussy and eat it out?”

Erm… I’m sorry, WHAT?!

Right now, your laying there, hot and bothered, really to play Super Mario and get that pipe or you are up standing and ready to feel her warmth but your Empire State Building becomes an instant limp shack.

You don’t know where the question came from, you don’t even know why in the hell they asked such a question, especially at that time, but now you’re staring at a dilemma.

Do you?!

You may say no straight away but, that could be the way to get yourself out of a bed situation and into a ‘maybe you’d be more comfortable at your own house’ situation.

Those questions above are only examples of the situation I’m referring to, but, in bedrooms everywhere, someone is requesting something that their partner may not be into, has never done before or something that made them screw up their face like, “ewwwwwww!”
But what do you do then?
After the initial ‘what the fuck’ moment has passed, what do you do next?
Do you do it? Or do you not? Does it depend on the act itself? Does it depend on the person asking? Does it depend on the WAY you’ve been asked? Or will you just plain refuse because you are strong in your principles and no amount of persuasion will change that?

One word for ya: experiment.

I’m not saying that if a woman wanted you to eat her ass or a man wanted to spray whipped cream from a can in your pussy and eat it out that you should let them in the name of experimentation. But, don’t shoot it down so quickly… (pardon the pun)

Take ya time… think about it… let the idea marinate for a minute.

It maybe the case that you have never done the act before and you are highly sceptical about what it will feel like, look like and even how your partner will react.
But take that chill pill and just relax… smoke a spliff if that’s your vice. (Even if it isn’t do it anyway, lol.)

THEN DO IT!

Live a little for crying out loud…

Open your mouth and swallow if you never have, slow ease into her ass if she’s asking you to put it there, if he wants you to spit on his dick with huge globs of spit, do it… what have you got to lose.
The person asking you is asking for a reason. So really, the main thing for YOU to get over is can you do it?!
Can you swallow it up and get over whatever it is in your head that is stopping you from doing it?

Some people are stubborn and hard-headed to the point where if someone suggests something between the sheets, they won’t want to do it… just because it has been suggested to them… like the suggestion is a knock against their sexual prowess.
If they came up with the idea themselves, then they’d work it like it. But to suggest something to them makes them hard headed.

Case in point: if Donald tells his friend Eli how to FUCK his own girlfriend (I can’t think about a situation where this type of convo would take place), Eli might not really wanna try the suggestions out. To Eli, it’ll feel like he doesn’t know what he’s doing and he might not try ’em. BUT… he may try them in small individual doses and, if they work, he’ll claim them as his own.

Sex is give and take, sometimes you gotta give, sometimes you gotta take. (That’s the Cosby Show advice)
Sex is supposed to be some beautiful thang, with twists and turns, wild rides, smooth strolls and humming verses of Jill Scott’s Crown Royal.
Requests may pop up that have never been put on the table before but, if they do, don’t be closed minded about it.
Think about it, take it into consideration.
Remember the person asking you is asking for a reason… there could be a hidden, mammoth, squirting orgasm at the end of that yellow brick road. But because your so stubborn and old school, you won’t even want to try.

If your not one of those people who is even open to try, thus your partner doesn’t even ask, then you will have an unhappy partner who may want to do something but is too scared to ask.

The tagline for my trilogy of Little Black Book is open ya eyes, mind and thighs…
So open all three…

You JUST might like it…

So says Mr Oh…

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