Over the last few days, with my blog now up and running (thanks if you’ve had a look FYI), I’ve let you know who I am and what I do…
As Steve Harvey said, “Now we done got that shit out the way…”
I want to write about a saucy subject…
And this particular one is top of my pile of panties…
Friends complain about it, exes loved it, someone didn’t think I could write about it, those who aren’t getting it are craving for their partner to spend more time doing it and its especially annoying when your bredrin is getting some of the best and your just at home… PISSED and getting none.
Yes, I’m talking about head.
And I’m talking TO the heads that like to give it. And those who dont.
Head. Cunnilingus. Brain. Nyaming. Muff diving. Furry Plating. Box lunching. Carpet munching. Following the yellow brick road. Going downtown. Eating off from the two foot table. Bowcatting. Australian kiss. Eating that shit (my personal favourite)
Whatever you call it.
However you do it… but do you do it?
First stop on our downtown trip is the man out there who refuses to get his face wet.
This breed of man is usual strong in his belief that he will never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never do it.
Unfortunately, this dude regularly meets the woman who either looks at him strangely when he goes for the head push. And the woman who will strap up her bra and have them jeans up quick fast.
Their favourite line is, ‘if you don’t eat, you don’t greet’.
Now you got dry balls.
Forever and a day, there’s been an stigma attached to the act and people see it with such a negative connotation.
That can’t be said for the man that likes to get ALL up in it… *cough cough*
Why don’t some men do it? Some feel its beneath them (literally), some can’t get past the whole ‘not-eating-anything-that-bleeds’ drama (erm, chicken? And you swallow that.)
Some men are stuck in their ways about it but, some of these men, WILL tell you they eat pussy in order to get pussy, hoping they’ll never have to do it.
Easy ploy; get a quick blowjob, get her straight on her back and hope the orgasms make her forget.
ADVICE: do they still make you? Yeah, pussy is good when its wrapped around ya dick but, have you HEARD some of the noises a woman makes when you really hit that top right spot with ya tongue?
Really, those noises will have her girlfriends envious, which will make them want you more… its a chain reaction, lol…
Second stop on our head train downtown is the best way to eat a pussy…
*rubs hands together*
Okay, this is comprehensive, extensive, well documented, face flushing advice from a bona fide ‘sit on my face’ addict…
The best way to eat pussy is…
I could say the best way to eat pussy is just to eat it but that’s not true. Some out there are faking the funk with poor representations of good head. They have it in their mind that just the fact that they’re down there warrants good head.
Just cuz you can doggy paddle, don’t mean you can swim in the ocean…
The same way women are particular about things like clothes, shoes, handbags is the same way they’re particular about how they like their head.
Let’s break em down into ‘head ladies’:
Clit only womens…
Not as simple as it sounds.
Just because you’re focussing on one part, doesn’t mean your on your way to shaking thighs.
What if she likes a finger at the same time? Does she like a suck or a tongue flick?
Did you think of that?
Clit only womens are particular about how their buttons are treated.
Don’t go in all rough and tough like it owes you money.
Be easy with yaself…
No doubt she’ll tell you how she likes it if you’re not hitting it right. If you have yourself a clit only woman, you’ll need a strong tongue and an even stronger jaw. Cuz when she starts making THAT noise and your looking up at her thinking, ‘is that an orgasm?’ – only for her to calm down, your jaw and tongue may need a second wind.
Clit only womens like a good tongue flick. Sometimes slow, sometimes fast.
But they like it.
Find out if she likes her whole clit covered or if she just likes the tongue. You should find that out by the sounds she makes.
Exposing the clit allows you to REALLY get into it… best fingers to use are index and middle…
Remember ya fingers… useful at the RIGHT time capisce?
Oooo oooo, and always give it a kiss. At the right sensitive time, a nice deep, tongue flicking kiss on her clit will make her back arch like a C.
Next head lady is…
Tongue fucker chicks
An acquired taste of head woman.
A tongue fucker chick wants your tongue in her pussy.
That’s all there is to it.
That, my friend, is the only place you need to think about.
If your not sure if you have a tongue fucker chick, try this out.
Next time her thighs are over your shoulders, give her clit some attention then just… dip ya tongue in and out.
What did she say to that?
If it was a high pitched sigh, then you have you a tongue fucker chick. If she moves to put your head back on her clit, then its clit only.
Again, you’ll need a strong tongue and jaw for the job. You may find yaself fighting lockjaw at one point.
But you soldier through.
Heck knows she’s thanking you for it.
If fatigue kicks in, slip a wet finger in to carry on the sensation until the feeling in your jaw returns.
It’s all about keeping the party going…
Tongue fucker chicks are big fans of looooooong stabs.
Don’t fuck around and do all your quick stabbing early and lock up your jaw…
Start at the front door.
Knock a little bit.
Have a look at the decor.
Congratulate her on such beautiful design.
Take a slow tour of the whole house.
Find her favourite rooms.
And visit them regularly.
The final head lady is…
Mixed… with a finger
If you have this lady in your bedroom, then you already know how busy you are.
Cuz, THIS lady, is a full face workout.
You better know your way around THIS house because she’s gonna want a full inspection.
She’s called Mixed… with a finger because she likes a mix of both clit only womens and tongue fucker chicks styles.
And she likes them with an added finger or two.
Variety is key with she.
Keep her on her toes.
Three licks up top.
Tongue kiss further down.
Trail up for another tongue kiss.
Work the first finger.
Join the finger.
Swap tongue and finger.
If she’s grabbing the back of your head… GOOD TIMES
If she looks down at you like you DISGUST her… GOOD TIMES
If she tries to push your head away… THERE’S AN ORGASM COMING…
So stay there…
There’s a place where head can get TOO good.
Yes, I know, I couldn’t believe it either.
When the head is too good, for a woman, it feels like she wants to pee. For some, that is the start of a squirting episode.
For others, its quite a painful experience that means you HAVE to stop.
But sense the moment.
Use ya spidey sense…
Third and final trip downtown is an ode to head.
Geez Louise, there’s nothing like it!
To have a woman look down on you and all her eyes are saying is, “more of THAT please?”
Or to have your head crushed by the rumblings of a stomach trembler.
Say what you want about man OR WOMAN who likes to do it but those folk are rated highly on personal sex lists.
Penetrative sex is one type of orgasm but a head orgasm is known to create and sustain the highly-sought after ‘thigh shaker’.
For some, the thigh shaker is just a myth. That’s for men and SOME women.
Shame on the dude who last gave you head…
For head addicts, there is more pleasure for self to be found in being between a woman’s thighs.
To look up at her and watch the effect your mouth is having in her whole body is majorly empowering.
Watching her slide, try and get away from such an onslaught of pleasure. But she doesn’t want to get far enough that you stop.
If you get her there, you have every right to start PLAYING with the pussy.
Don’t get ahead of yourself and start trying, ‘this is my pussy’ but give her random pauses. Then return with a different flow.
Basically, head… is necessary.
Not just for you woman.
OH NO NO NO!
Your pleasure is a byproduct of what is needed. And if that pussy is going to be eaten, that BY GEORGE, it WILL be eaten.
Sleep in it all night if I have to…
I mean if YOU have to…
So says Mr Oh…
Don’t forget… Little Black Book – out now on amazon