Tag Archives: women

12 orgasms of woman

 The female orgasm.


It’s a beautiful thang isn’t it? There’s so many variations of it, so many styles and techniques and words shouted out and eyes rolling back and thrashing like you’ve never seen thrashing before.

Get caught slipping and one of ’em can catch you in the eye. Don’t pay attention and one of ’em can have you kicked off the bed and rolled out on the floor like Deebo just sent you a ‘that’s my bike punk’ uppercut. Some of ’em make you worry that the person may have just died in front of you.

But, they all arrive and let you, the orgasm chaser, know that you’ve done something right.

Orgasms. Never have sex without one.

They rule the school. Great ones can stay in your mentals and physical for ever and poor ones can make you think about giving up sex all together.

Throughout my sex age (my sexual career) there’s always been focus on quantities of orgasms, whether a woman is having one or not. Dudes pretty much have one orgasms, that’s because, apparently we only have one and then knock out. True. But not completely.

Now, a woman’s orgasm is something different.

 As we know, a woman can have an orgasm like bullets firing from a gun – one after the other after the other after the other after the other. Lucky creatures.

And one orgasm can be different from the last.
Her first may not be like her seventh which may not be like her fourteenth.
If your lucky enough to see, feel or experience any of ’em, then you know how great they can be.
I swear, sometimes, it’s like a ticker tape parade with carnival music and a bass speaker making the entire bed bounce.

I think there are roughly about 12 different types of orgasms. Some of them may have elements of the other but each one has solo attributes that make them differ.

They are:


  1. Big one – self explanatory and simple, yet can make a woman feel like she is about to die a sweet death. A big one can rock her spot from her feet to her hair follicles. She may sound like a demon, depending on if she lets the sound loose or not. A big one can make the dick squeeze out and, if your lucky, follow through with a squirt. If you’ve ever had a big one, you’ll know it ‘cuz you probably fell asleep afterwards.


  1. Little one – the opposite of the ‘Big one’, this orgasm is the starter for a three-orgasm meal. It’s a like that moment before the sneeze when your nose tickles and you pause for a moment. That’s the small one. It gets ya quick but you breathe through it and keep going like it never happened. Probably just made things a lot more wetter than they were before.


  1. Quiet one – a favourite. Sort of like the ‘Little one’ but with less noise. If your an orgasm watcher such as myself, then you may notice it as a little scrunch of the forehead or a quick fist clench and then that’s it. It’s quiet because it sneaks up on you and has you feeling good in a way that you didn’t even know the orgasm was coming.


  1. Missed it one – not one that women have very often. Comes like “hey, did I just? I swear I just had a…” Generally a mix of the ‘Little one’ and the ‘Quiet one’.


  1. Electric shock one – now this one… this is a good one. This orgasm brings forth of sort of taser like movement from her that, in some cases, makes the delivery person slightly worried. A good electric shock will make her body involuntarily spasm and freeze and throb and vibrate and move like she’s been possessed (see: any crap possession horror movie over the last ten years)
    She might arch herself on the balls of her feet and her head and look like a captial C on it’s side but it’s all good. Best thing to do is leave her alone. Let her have the moment. It may last a minute, it may last five but when she’s done, you’ll know you’ve done a good job.


  1. It came, it went, keep going one – this orgasm is a good one because it’s one of the good ones that doesn’t stop proceedings. With this orgasm, she’ll announce it, experience it, then want to repeat it. So repeat it… and try not to cum before she does. That’ll annoy.


  1. Flying arms, hidden kick out one – this orgasm is a real spot rocker and turns your partner from a normal, sexy being who you’re trying to make have an orgasm, into a UFC fighter with arms and legs flaying everywhere. This orgasm is a like a ‘Big one’ and an ‘Electric Shock’ but she has enough clarity to throw her arms and legs all over trying to make the good feeling stop. She’s not really trying to make it stop, in fact, if her hands catch you she may scratch the shit out of you. Oh advice is to grab her arms and make them stop, catch her knees under your arms and keep doing what you were doing before she came. She’ll love and hate you for it.


  2. Don’t touch me one – a relative of the ‘Flying arms, hidden kick’ one, this orgasm is the plain and simple DO NOT TOUCH ME AS I’M COMING! She does not want to be touched or spoken to or addressed. She just wants to be left the fuck alone to enjoy her high.


  1. Fuck the neighbours one – not quiet, no finesse, no prim and proper behaviour. Just foul mouthed, raw, unedited orgasm. That’s it!


  1. Solar eclipse one – one of the most scariest orgasms on the list. This one doesn’t have a lot of tale tell signs but when it happens you know it. This is like the Oscars of the orgasm world. This is the orgasm that hits straight and, though you may see signs of the ‘Big one’, the ‘Electric Shock one’, the ‘Flying arms, hidden kick one’ and the ‘fuck the neighbours one’, the best aspect of this one is the ending. Before you realise it, she’s stopped moving. She’s silent and still, like you weren’t just making the bed scoot across the floor with energetic crotch meeting. This orgasm knocks her the fuck out, Deebo-style. She may wake up and not remember anything and that’s when you know you have given pleasure to the point where sleep is automatic and consciousness is a myth. Well done you!


  1. Stop don’t stop one – definitely one of the more confusing orgasms to encounter as you don’t know what the hell to do with yourself. One of the biggest worries in sex is hearing someone say no or stop and you miss it. So when you hear something that sounds like dissent or something that means stop what you’re doing, you don’t wanna miss it. And that’s where the confusion is. The joy of this orgasm for her is telling you to stop. She wants to tell you to stop and she wants you to ignore it. She wants to tell you to stop because she knows you’ll ignore it. Then she wants to tell you not to stop… because she knows you won’t stop. And that’s the fun!

    But, pay attention though. Recognise the difference between a playful stop and a REAL stop… you DO NOT wanna get them confused.


  1. The few minutes later one – now this orgasm has been revered and spoken about like a myth because not everyone has had one… not even a lot of women know this type of orgasm exists. But its definition, its not possible but, as someone who’s seen it in motion, it is possible and it is amazing. Now this orgasm isn’t exactly straight forward. It’s complicated. Because it doesn’t deliver straight away.
    You could be having sex and she has one of the aforementioned orgasms and that’s it, right? Done and squirting right? WRONG!
    This orgasm can come back like an 80s group who’s best song was sampled and now they have a comeback album and tour on the way.
    She can have stopped having sex, gone and began to clean up and when suddenly, out of nowhere, another orgasm hits. There could probably be a few minutes break in between the last orgasm and this one and it attacks with a touch of the ‘Flying hands, hidden kick one’ as well as the ‘Big one’ and the ‘Fuck the neighbours one’.

    Definitely one of the most worrying orgasms because it holds a lot of power within and can carry a touch of the ‘Solar eclipse one’ as well.

    Once, I delivered a ‘few minutes later one’, left and went to work and got a phone call 15 minutes later saying, ‘I’m in the bathroom hunched over the sink because another orgasm just came out of nowhere’. (Whether that’s true or not I’ll leave up to you, lol.)


And there you have it. The female orgasm in all of its many forms.

I’m not an expert on the female orgasm, although I can cause a lot of them so I know there are lots of other types of orgasms women can have ( the ‘masturbation one’, the ‘I think I’m gonna pee myself’ one’ , the ‘almost almoost almooost one’ and the ‘I need to sing for this this eruption one’) but I thought I’d cover the general ones.


They are just… the shit…

Whichever one you encounter or deliver, just make sure you take the time to enjoy it with her.


And make sure you can at least deliver an orgasm, or she’ll either find someone else who will or resent you for not delivering.


The female orgasm…


I’m loving it…



By Mr Oh

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Who has to work the hardest for supreme intelligence, men or women?



There’s no lengthy intro or fancy words to describe what the hell this blog is about.

This is a simple, straight to the point question.


Who has to work the hardest when it comes to head; men or women?


This was a random thought I had when I was fighting through writer’s block and couldn’t string two words together.

I was thinking about oral sex, as per usual, and I could picture a man giving a woman some brilliant cunnilingus and then, on the other screen in my head, I could see a woman giving a man what can only be called the ‘Lethal’ treatment (shout out to Lethal Lipps with all that spit and shit).


And I thought, who has to work harder for the pleasure?

Is it women who have to measure up and work out how they’re gonna take the dick to the jaw or is it men, who have to analyze and formulate a plan of pussy attack before orgasms curl down their moustaches?

For me, this is an interesting question because when it comes to that goooooood intelligence (that’s slang for oral sex, just for you uneducated), you need to know what it is your partner likes.

You need to know HOW your partner likes.

You need to know what works best and what levels of best you should apply with your mouth.

You need to know what makes your partner’s chest rise and fall with no trouble at all.


But, when it comes to doing the damn thing with your lips and your tricks, it’s not as easy as it appears to be.

So, I’m gonna look at both sides and, at the end, come to a decision (pardon the pun) and say who has to work the hardest with their mouth for an orgasm. In my own opinion.

You may agree, you may disagree, you may be disgusted, you may lick your lips and suddenly feel in the mood to have your lower middle tickled just a little… let’s see…


So… let’s start with the ladies…


DO MY LADIES RUN THIS… nah, let’s not do that!

Ladies, let’s start with you.

When it comes to head, your quest for intelligence lies at the end of a blowjob.

The old dick in the mouth something.


When done right, it can be as good as actual intercourse and when done DAMN right, it can forgo the intercourse and make him buss and have to issue a “this has never happened before” type of apology.

But what about the giver of such knowledge? What about her battle to get her man to the happy place, which is either happy enough that he knows you’ve got skills, hard enough that he’s ready to fuck or wet and shrunk enough that he is laying there trying to catch his breath as an orgasm took him by surprise?

A woman will tell you that giving head isn’t as easy as they make it look. To us men, it looks like it’s as simple as bob, weave, dip, swirl, purse of the lips, lick, etc. but there’s a fair bit they have to take into account. Such as the size of the dick they’re about to conquer, the sensitivity, even the man himself is a factor.

Dicks are not easy to deal with. They grow, they shrink, sometimes they’ll blow before you know it.

But let’s start at the initial ‘suck’ part.

Not easy at ALL, especially if your one of those women with a small mouth and your facing a rather large dick before you.

If you have a generally medium-sized mouth and, in your sexual career, you’ve been known to deepthroat 8 inches with ease, you still have a lot to deal with. If you’re blessed with a disrespectful pair of full lips and the ability to deepthroat more length than he owns, you’ve still got a lot on your plate.

He could be a rough throat fucker, maybe he wants you to take it all the way down your throat and your only used to taking it up to your tonsils.

Maybe he likes his dick suck wetter than a beach towel in a tsunami and you can only muster up a battery-sized amount of spit.

Maybe he wants you to drop techniques only seen in porn, while your style is more Tulisa than Italia Blue.

Maybe he likes his balls licked and you think they look like weird meatballs and you don’t wanna do it.

And then there’s lockjaw… and that just sucks ass in general, no ladies?


There’s a lot to sucking a dick.

A lot of work, breathing techniques, wretch holding, hand twisting and multi-tasking involved and that’s before she has to deal with what to do with the orgasm once it arrives.

Does she swallow, does she not, does she take it to the face, does she take it on her breasts or does she bend the dick back and make him cum on himself?

It’s a big decision.

A big decision for a big moment.

Cuz dicks… they ain’t easy to take, orally that is.



But then, on the OTHER side of it, there’s the work that the men have to put in when it comes to cunnilingus.

The moment between a woman’s thighs.

For a man’s quest for supreme intelligence, he has to have his head game on a hundred, thousand, trillion as Kanye would say.


When it comes to giving a woman head, there is a LOT a man has to take into account. It’s not just about opening her legs and putting your mouth where you see a button.

She may not necessarily like her button dealt with in that way.

Maybe she wants her pussy fucked with a tongue.

Maybe she likes fingers added with a particular degree of moisture.

Maybe she wants single laps up and down with her lips held open.

Maybe she wants to hold your head and direct you.

Maybe she likes being able to face fuck you while calling you a ‘dirty fucker’.


Maybe she wants to do all those things and more… but, you have to be ready. And you have to be adaptable.

You have to be able to react and listen to her, respond to what she likes, repeat the thing that made her back arch and be willing to search for more.

And also fight off the lockjaw AGAIN.


(Head ain’t head until someone gets lockjaw!)


Then you have to make her cum. Now if you’ve decided to go down on a woman then you HAVE to make her cum from it.

That’s the unwritten rule!

You don’t go to Costco and leave with a plastic bag of items, you leave with boxes. As many as you can take!

With so many zones of enjoyment in and around the vagina, you have to learn, and learn quick, what she likes to the point that her hips rise and fall because it’s started to feel that good. When you find it and you work it, you could be there for seconds or double figure minutes.

That’s the roll of the dice that comes with cunnilingus.



Now, in my opinion, who has to work the hardest for that SUPREME intelligence?

No disrespect to women and the work they have to put in when it comes to slurping and burping on a man’s Melvin but you have it easy in comparison to men.


And I’ll tell you why.


Women, you have one straight, up standing piece of work ahead of you, and two small assignments hanging below. Because of the shape of the upstanding piece of work and the two small assignments, you don’t have to venture far away from a repetitive movement on any of the three.

You know any part of his dick you touch with your mouth is generally gonna make him feel like its all good in the hood.

Working your mouth in a sweet, delicious way will be the medicine for his sickness.

Sucking the head with a bit of a slurp sound will make him harder than he ever thought possible.

A deepthroat all the way to the base of him will make his dick venture past your mouth and into your throat, and that’s a whole different type of feeling.

Maybe a bit of a gag sound, maybe a whole LOT of a gag sound could help.

Add saliva from a wet mouth and the inclusion of hands and ladies, you LITERALLY have men by the balls.

You know you’ve got that easy work when you blow him for five minutes or less and he’s blowing harder than Chinese math.

That’s that woman who found a way to give maximum pleasure with minimal effort.

Not knocking ya at all.


But you DO have it easier.


Men? *sigh*


We DO have a task on our hands sometimes, don’t we?

That lockjaw kicks in like a muuug and you have to find an adaptive style that helps rest ya jaw but keep the pleasure coming.

It takes a hot minute to find that EXACT move or combination of moves that makes it feel the way it should.

Unlike the phallus of man, woman is built with a sugar-walled reception area, equipped with a button that likes to be pressed but only a certain way. Inside this reception area are lovely walls lean on and touch and, if you have the tongue length, you reach the place deep inside the reception room that only most dicks reach.

If you work it wrong, it can instantly close up and monkey wrench anything further between you. You know what I mean when she has to reach down and show you how it should be done. And not showing you in the sexy way either. I mean that annoyed way where you can damn near hear her huffing and puffing in frustration cuz you’re just not getting it. And that never feels good.

Of course it bruises the ego!

We’re men, and we’re proud and we think that if we are eating your pussy, we have the skill and the ingenuity to work around until we enter the right combinations to unlock an orgasm.

She may like it this way…

That way…

Front ways…

Back ways…


Nibbled just a lil bit…

Licked hard…

Feather like touches just over the hood of her clit…

She may need that bullet motion where you keep as much pressure on her clit with your tongue as possible… then hum.

Maybe she likes her clit enveloped between two fingers while gripping a nipple, tonguing her pussy jussssssst inside and to the right while humming The Cosby Show theme tune.

Or the classic straight fuck the pussy with your tongue and try and get it in as far as you can!


Who knows, the possibilities are endless.


As much work as it CAN be to find the right grooves for the song, its still a pleasurable experience and, when done right, can be enjoyed more by the eater than the plate of food writhing in ecstasy.

There is nothing more GRRRRRRRREAAAT than making a woman cum using your mouth. Then have her look down at you like, “well where the hell did THAT come from?”

Maybe you get the audio, moaning, shuddering then breathing heavy version but the message is the same.


Really, it doesn’t matter how hard either sex works when it comes to delivering that supreme intelligence, as long as they are willing to put in whatever work is necessary to get the job done. Whether that job is simply pleasing, warming up for something else, cumming or just to fill the time, put that work in.


Represent with your mouth and supply that SUPREME INTELLIGENCE!



I did also hear bisexual women apparently give THE best head so maybe that just negates my whole blog…

Damn women… always gotta win!



So says


Mr Oh



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Tips about the tip

The inspiration for this blog post came from a voice I keep hearing in my head.
It’s a male voice and I imagine a lot of women have heard such a voice when its time to get down with the get down.
Usually said with a dose of heavy breathing, maybe some strong eyes locked and the sound of persuasion in his voice.
Bodies pressed together and its the moment when the dick either goes in or it doesn’t.

I’m talking about the moment when he says, “lemme just put the tip in…”
It’s a hilarious sentence in my head. It sounds like the most beggy beggy of statements but it pops up nonetheless.
That moment when everything leading up to it has been ten out of ten perfect. The foreplay got him warmed up perfectly and the head probably made him almost cum. Building him up so nicely that the only way to continue would be for him to slide in between her walls with no barrier between.
It’s already known and understood between him and her that when he says “lemme just put the tip in”, its not just the tip he wants to put in.
I mean, come on, how many times has it actually just been the tip that he’s put in?
When someone has fries, and someone says, lemme have one, they don’t take just one do they? No sirreeee… They take a combination of three or four because they know one will not do.
The tip is not enough to quench his curious thirst about how smooth and slick her sugar walls feel. For him to REALLY kill the curiosity cat, he’d have to taste a few strokes. Maybe a couple more strokes. And a few more after that.
Out the window goes unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and morals.
At that moment, all he wants is to feel.
So is the power of a woman’s vagina that no sloppy head or rubbing the dick against your clit will do.
All he wants is to be inside you.

The offer is just the tip..  but in his mind, he is thinking that if he can get the tip in, then he can convince you to let him stay there once he’s got a few strokes going.
Strokes that you will like enough to let him stay there.

Any woman reading this, maybe you’ve been there. You’ve heard him say that sentence, which comes in many variations, and maybe you let him.
Maybe you felt the tip and THEN some slip in. Maybe it felt nice. Real nice.
That damn tip.
Ever asked him to take it out after a few strokes more than the tip?
He wasn’t a happy camper was he?
Nope, because, to him, it wasn’t the plan to just put the tip in.
He wanted more than the tip all along. So you asking him to vacate the party absolutely pissed him off.
He’s thinking, “well you already let me in for free, why ask me to leave now? I’m already here.”
Tell a man to pull out and he’ll probably say something along the lines of, “c’mon babe, just lemme stay here for a second”, “I won’t cum I promise” or “I’m already here…”
The classic is to continue to convince you with some well placed strokes that, he hopes, will reach that part of your pussy that controls your decision-making and you change your mind like, “well that last stroke DID feel good, okay then, stay for the rest of the party.”

Regardless of if he’s just met you or you’ve been seeing him for a while or if your in a relationship and its the first time you’ve had sex, he’s been sizing you up the whole time, wondering if he can get away with throwing the request in and getting away with it.
It’s like the episode of Friends when Chandler took Joey to view Richard’s apartment. (Richard being Monica’s ex.) When they got there, Chandler found a tape with Monica’s name on it and he and Joey assumed it was a sex tape. And what did Joey say?
“If a woman says yes to being taped, she’s not gonna say no to much else.”

That is the thinking of a man that says, “lemme put the tip in…”
He hopes his dick, unsheathed and strong, will convince you that the tip is worth it. And if he can get you to come round to seeing things his way, you won’t say no to much else.

This isn’t a post that is judging anyone who DOES let him leave the tip in. I know dick can be a convincing sunnuvabiscuiteater when its ready.
And he’s hoping that he has the slick power of an Apprentice winner to convince you, with his dick, that, behind the tip, is the width and girth of a good dick that will feel amazing.

The hope of the tip is the hope of a man being able to charm a woman enough that her choices and decisions to NEVER let a man put the tip in get thrown out the window.
Trust me, ask any man who’s put the tip in and I’ll bet you he put more than the tip in. And he felt like the BAWSE afterwards.

The tip is not just about getting someone, who may already disagree, to agree to unprotected sex.
It’s about being able to be charming enough, smooth enough, that damn slick enough to break her down enough that she becomes so embroiled in the moment that she let’s you.
There’s an element of power shifting going on when they decision is made by a woman.
Once she’s made that decision, tip in or no tip in, he knows whether he’s GOT you or not.
A woman has all the power in the world when that choice comes up.
Believe me, tell a man he can’t put the tip in and watch him deflate. Not physically but it’ll mean to him that he wasn’t slick enough to make you change your mind.
It’s a slap to his ego.

For some men, agreeing to the tip means every sexual encounter you have from then on, he won’t have to ask. He’ll just come to the party without having to ask. It’ll be expected.

The tip is an unspoken power struggle between a man and a woman.
But, don’t think the tip JUST means the tip.

It’s SoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo much more than that.

Mr Oh

Little Black Book – the trilogy – by Mr Oh

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The pleasure of two


Have you ever had the pleasure of watching two women have sex?

It’s a simple question. One where you either say yes or no. There’s no middle ground answer with that question.
Have you ever watched the science and the beauty of watching two female forms pleasing each other?

If you haven’t then, really, you are truly letting one of the most amazing images ever created pass you by.
And I’ll tell you why.

Let’s start at the start.
Women are beautiful!
In all their shapes, hues, sizes, religions and sexual orientations.
Any time you get the chance to have sex with a woman, you sometimes take time out of licking labouredly at her labia to look up at her and just say, “damn you fine”. (That’s usually the moment when she either looks down at you like, “why’d you stop” or says fuck it, grabs your head and makes u eat her, thinking ‘who gave you permission to stop?’)
So, a woman, on her own is a beautiful thing.


Throw in the mixing bowl ANOTHER woman.
Another female form of different, yet equal sexiness. Sometimes more sexiness… (but you’d never say that outloud.)

She, whoever she is, has a look on her face that says that right now, she wants the woman in front of her.

So, now you have two women in front of you.
You can read lust on their faces, taste the anticipation of the first touch between them.
It’s like your watching live art as they get closer to each other.

I mean, HELLO…. It’s two naked women.
As women generally think, when a man ever introduces the idea of watchin two women, a threesome is on his mind.
And, not to say the ladies are wrong, but there’s something to be said for being able to just watch.
If your a people watcher, like most of us are, you enjoy watching, learning and figuring out about people from how they move, their little nuances.
Whether the women are regular at getting the womanly touch from another or first time bi-curious visitors, there will be something to read between them, just watching from the sidelines.
Take for example the absolute delicious movie of watching two women share a kiss.
Yeah its exciting to see and all that usual jazz.
But there’s the art of the moment.
Being able to watch and FEEL the sensuality of female lips caressing.
It’s delicious because you are fully aware of how nice it is to kiss a woman, so you kind of wish you could feel what its like for a woman to kiss a woman. Does that make sense?
I know what I mean in my head.
HER arms reaching up and caressing a face.
HER responding by losing her hands in the other her’s hair.
They get closer to each other, nipples of her becoming instantly erect as they enter the air space of the other her’s nipples.
Then you catch a glimpse as one her looks down, thinking of licking those nipples.
You can read it on her face.
You know that’s what’s running through her mind.
You know this because you are thinking you would do the same thing.

Suddenly, you lose all focus on what your seeing as you watch thighs touch.
It’s nothing really to watch thighs touch but its something though.
Before you know it, you imagine how those thighs are going to look in a few moments.
In the air.
Between a pair of thighs, grinding an orgasm.
Dripping with sweat, saliva and squirted orgasms.
Being nibbled, licked and trailed with adventurous fingers.
And this is all before any one has laid down or opened any thighs.

Then when THAT happens?
When you see one her slowly laying back on the bed, sofa, kitchen counter or hood of a car, you know that you are about to be mind blown with so much beauty, you may actually want to kill yourself.
Don’t though.
Besides the fact that suicide while watching two women have sex is a MAJOR mood killer, you’ll miss what’s to come.
And I mean cum.

You knew I meant cum.

Any person with an active imagination can just think of one woman making another woman cum and get slightly excited.

Right NOW…
Think of a woman…
Any woman in your life, who you think would enjoy a good clit licking.
Then think of her delicious friend being the licker.
If your on Twitter, think of two of your sexiest followers.
Not on some fake porn fantasy suttin. I mean really think about it.
Think about them laying somewhere you’ve been before to make it more real.
Put yourself there at that vital moment when an orgasm is taking the room in a mix of sex, sounds and sights.
When a woman’s ass is in the air and her face is buried deep between lips that slip and slide.
Hips are grinding.
Hair is being grabbed.
Thighs are being held.
Clit hood being slipped back to REAAAAAAALLY put that licking to work.
Moaners moaning.
Lickee making licker lick her just right.
Crescendo builds.

And then it happens.

Sure, it makes you think about being the provider of such a sound but, as you take yourself out of that thinking and return to your purveyors perch, you enjoy the fact that you just watched a woman make another woman cum.

You watched, and took notes on, her technique, her degree of sensuality added to her licking, whether she tongue fucked her or just stayed on her clit…
You want to be able to mirror such a feeling because you know a woman can make another woman cum in a different way if she had been having sex with a man.

And that’s where the sexy lies. Because its not a woman with a man. It’s a woman with a woman.

It probably sounds like me rattling off one of thousands of fantasies of mine but if you’ve ever had the pleasure of being in a threesome or just sitting back and watching a woman make another woman cum, you know what I mean.
I know its not everyone’s cup of tea.
Some women just like their dick the way they like their dicks. Hard, steady and attached to a man.
But some girls simply like girls!
And it’s the straight, possibly bi-curious women out there who I’m talking to.
They know who they are.
And they know what I’m talking about.
Yes you do you!

Maybe men have been fucking up in the bedroom for so long that women have turned to their own teammates.
Maybe sex with us has become so meeeeeh that women have said to themselves, “bet that thick woman for the Caribbean food shop would eat me juuuuust right!”
Maybe women are jus getting more experimental.

Who gives a tiny rats ass?!

All I know is, as a pervert, a purveyor, a moment catcher and people watcher, there is nothing more succulent, more fulfilling, more interesting and intriguing to witness, than watching two women have sex.

It’s not just about a porn fantasy, its about art.

By Mr Oh

Little Black Book – the trilogy – by Mr Oh

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Apparently, some of you guys aren’t…. really….

This isn’t even a letter, this is response to a cry for help coming (pun intended) from women all over the world.
It’s a cry that can be heard in multiple languages, through women of different shades and shapes in the past, present and future.
But men do NOT hear the cry.
Maybe because some of us CAN hear it but we ignore it, maybe we can’t hear it AT ALL, maybe women cry these tears on a sonic audio level men are just not trained to hear.
But what I do know is that women are crying…
Not literally and physically crying but they are UPSET… and PISSED off.
Because the man in their life is NOT, repeat, NOT handling his business between the sheets as he should be. But he THINKS he is.
Ladies know him well; he doesn’t need to ask if it’s good because he KNOWS (or thinks) it’s good, his game is soOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo on point that he doesn’t need to learn anything from anyone, he is such the experienced lover that he assumes that what works for previous lovers will fit you and, thus, no need to try new shit.
Unfortunately, this gentleman lives and breathes everyday, with no one telling him any different, which makes him think that fingering you in THAT way (all dry and shit) is the way to get you off.

For some men, they cannot stand and/or take the fact that a woman would have something to say about their game. Kinda ironic but ‘how can a woman have something to say about a man’s sex game?’
He built this game from teen years, he spent time perfecting it and masturbating it into a well rounded, entertaining, orgasm-creating, sleep-inducing whale of a time.
He is super proud of that sex game and he will not, repeat NOT, hear one bad word about it.
But, then comes the awkward moment. When a lady experiences the sex game and has one or two amendments she would like to add to the game.
But he won’t hear such madness.

After he spent so long perfecting it?
Then comes the situation where you either tell him about it and suffer the consequences of him trying and improving, trying and steadily getting worse or he feels so emasculated, he gives up fucking you completely as he thinks you’ll constantly be slating him in your head.
Really, that’s HIS business… kinda his fault for not keeping his game up-to-date but that doesn’t mean he can’t take advice on how he can step it up.

So I thought, lemme try and tell HIM what he’s lacking and where, so the next time he wants to give his partner some pudding… some SWEET sticky toffee pudding, her mind will be filled with nothing but dick… or tongue.
In thinking about this blog and the subjects that I’d cover, I thought I’d ask my Twirrer folk and my FB peeps, and they came up with a few ideas and went QUITE hard with it…
So in a classic Ricky Ricado voice, I got some ‘spalaing to do…

So, what are the things that dudes need some advice on in between the sheets?

Losing inhibitions and letting go – some men find it easy to just let go of their inhibitions and let their woman sneak a finger up their ass, but not all men are that way inclined. When you find yourself holding on to certain ideas and rumours, etc. about sex, you instantly inhibit yourself when you find yourself in THAT situation.
For example, it can take a lady to say once ‘I don’t like that’ to inhibit him into locking down and not trying anything else adventurous with you. Not because you said you don’t like it, but because it was something he was doing that DIDNT work for you.
Men like to feel like they know it all so when a woman has to tell him or show him, he feels like, “I must be a shit lover if I don’t know how to do that”.
Realistically, life is too short to be holding in inhibitions… WAY to short to not be doing things that you’ve possibly THOUGHT about but, for whatever crap reason, you’ve changed your mind.
Apparently men sometimes OVER think sex. Could be a number of reasons for that. They wanna make sure the sex is PERFECT, they wanna make sure they give her something that she can run and tell her friends about or they wanna ensure you have something to think about LONG after he’s left.
But in over-thinking, he spends too much time inhibiting himself and not letting go. It should be the opposite.

One style of sex does NOT fit all – women are like cars, different ones, big ones, small ones, thick one, loose ones, some with goods brakes, some with great engines, some with terrible body work, etc.
But you cannot have one driver driving different cars the same way. Some have different biting points, some have tight biting point, etc… you know what I’m trying to say.
But there is not one style that fits all.
That would be a mistake to think so. One style of sex does not fit all.
Some women like to be driven roughly, some women like to be slow rolled into their orgasm, some like to go so fast, you’re breaking multiple speed limits.
But the aim is make sure you keep your game ever changing. Switch it up homes. Speedy during that part and slow and steady during that part.
Mix it up… but also, make sure you keep one style in your pocket that is ALWAYS, without a doubt, guaranteed to make her curl up, twitch up and orgasm up the place.

Too fragile or too rough – you cannot sir… CANNOT think that one woman likes it real soft or real fast, without keeping a comfy balance in the middle. Women rule ya see, and the thing about em is that they like to be paid attention. Paying attention can be sooo detrimental to your reputation as a good lover that you need to do it more and more and, even after she’s come, keep doing it.
Some women like it softly softly at all times, which builds up an orgasm slowly to a SUPER crescendo. But other women like it hard, fast and with as much Wesley Pipes in it as possible. And some like a mix of both soft and rough. What you have to do, dude, is make sure you know who you have so you know what to deliver. Rough, soft, fast, slow, figure her out before you get in…

Toys – men who are scared of toys are looked at like men who don’t give head – they still MAKE you. (Don’t worry, there’s a head section a coming…)
But toys are some serious kinda fun when it comes to using them on a woman during sex. A lot of men have issues with a woman’s toy in the way that they feel like it’s a replacement for them. For some women it is, for some women it’s all they have but take it into consideration. A Rampant Rabbit can be an added extra to any sex AND it can be a use to you too.
Never had a woman turn her Rampant Rabbit on a slow setting and hold it against your dick while getting a blowjob? Well then you’ve never lived my son.
If that’s a bit to close, and you can’t over the idea of having something that looks like a penis so close to your manhood then take control of the toy. Use it on her. Not only is it a good way to learn what strokes make her arch her back but throw in some nipple and neck kisses and just spend some time watching her come.
OR… lay her on her front with a pillow under her stomach and a vibrator around where her clit is and stroke her from the back. She’ll enjoy the sensation… and she’ll also appreciate the creativity of something different. Shows you are on the CUSP of knowing a thang or three.

Let HER drive – it is generally thought that a man in the bedroom has to be a leading, idea-delivering, bright spark of a lover in order to keep his partner pleased. But, women also like the opportunity to lead the party. Maybe he’s unable or unable to trust a woman to the point where he let’s her take control. But really, seriously and honestly, a woman taking control and telling you where to go and move and be with a strong voice is some SEXXXY shit.
Her breath is all heavy, she’s moving you quickly into position, her eyes are mesmerising and you can read on her face what time it is.
The strength women have in their own sexuality makes them know how and where they want it. And sometimes we fellas miss the mark. To be honest, there’s something sexy about watching an annoyed woman not being reached in one position and flipping him into another position. Her annoyed face suddenly becomes a “WHOOOOOA” face and everyone’s smiling.

Mind sex – the beautiful aspect of sex. Before anyone touches, before words are even spoken, the connecting on a level where you’ve both shared a sexual moment in the mind. Apparently the art of good mind sex is dying out in favour of the more ‘so are you gonna bang doe/ you let my friend slam doe’ style of chat up line.
Good mind sex can make a woman wet. Damn rigght.
Great mind sex, and I mean GREAT MIND SEX, is when you are both NOT talking about sex. If you’ve tasted that flavour, you know what I mean. When you could be talking about something random, yet there is something ELSE going on that you both know about.
To masturbate a woman’s mind before you masturbate her elsewhere is to heighten and enlighten ANY situation. And that’s fa trill….

Loss and lack of foreplay – it seems foreplay is still a dying experience for most women, with a lot of fellas opting to slide a finger in before maybe kissing a neck, undoing her zip properly or even reaching for a nipple. Foreplay can be more important than the actual intercourse. It LITERALLY pre-moistens the sex.
Foreplay has seemingly been defined today by a certain standard which, I seriously cannot fathom. Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
A kiss. Maybe a good few minutes.
Maybe a cup of the breast searching for a nipple
A cuppage of your behind.
Followed by a search around the front for where he THINKS your clitoris is. Or he’ll go straight old school try slide in without having to undo any buttons or zips.

Foreplay is meant to be fun, not a chore as its seen in favour of a quick slam. No more caressing, no holding, no inhaling the one you plan to devour.

Learning how to interact – some fellas out there apparently don’t know how to simply interact with a woman anymore during sex.
How to simply adapt to her move and come forth with a worthy rebuttal. I mean really, has sex really just become about the act when these are the things that woman say men need to work on?
I mean C’MON SON. These are basics.
Interacting with a woman is all about paying attention to her. A dem cliché whe dem seh she’s always giving you signs. Well she is.
Pay attention to her. She could want you to pull her hair and want you to call her a bitch, but you won’t know because you’re not willing to put the WORK in.

Head game – apparently not only are women suffering from the fellas out there who aren’t giving head but there’s supposedly a growing number of gents out there who ARE giving head but just SUUUUUUUUCK at it.
Like REALLY suck at it.
This is head so bad she has to fake an orgasm to tell you to stop.
Generally when a man doesn’t like giving head but DOES, he’s not necessarily thinking about making sure you’re clit is licked, not flicked, tongue fucked, not long stroked. He just wants to get it over with and wait for the moment when you’ve had enough and motion for him to get back to some sex, which she can actually enjoy.
I’ve written so many blogs on giving head, I can only refer them to those and pray they read.

Dirty talk – ladies are apparently getting tired of the run of the mill ‘oh yeah’, ‘uhh huh’, ‘that’s it’, ‘ohhhhh right there’ and anything inspired by Wesley Pipes. This is fun because you get to explore what a woman likes verbally during sex.
She could be a quiet, shh shh, shut the fuck up kinda woman or she could be a ‘tell me how it feels, watch that shit going in, describe everything that happens type of lady.
Eitherway you gotta give her more than the ‘oohs’ and ‘aaahs’.
There’s something sexy to be said about the sound of a woman talking in a tone that tells you all you need to know about what she’s thinking and feeling.
Push the boat out, see how far she’s willing to go. Maybe she likes being called every piece of vulgarity in the book, maybe even some that don’t make sense. But you never know, because you don’t try.
And this is where some men are losing out.

Because they are not going the extra mile, they aren’t finding out just how far the road of a woman goes.
Unfortunately this diminishes the sexual experience down to just laying down or bending over, sliding in and out, buss, clean up, and gone with the wind.
Which sucks because that means that there are hundreds of thousands of women out their who’s full sexual potential is not being reached.
As men, it’s not wrong to take a bit of friendly advice on where to go, what to do, how to do that better…
Most of these seem to be things that men can improve all by paying attention, taking their time and savouring, instead of speeding, through a moment between the sheets.
I’m not slating men, I know some dudes who take care of their biznass with many a satisfied customer… but to those who AREN’T aware that a quick finger on what you THINK is her clitoris is not the extent of foreplay, I’m talking to you.

Really, all you’re doing is giving her and her friends something to laugh about. Because they ARE laughing at you. Then again, they could not be talking about you. That’s when you know it’s THAT bad.

Say something or do nothing…

By Mr Oh

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Are you a bi-enabler?

To bi or not to bi that is the question… not really a question though because really, to men, bi-sexual women run the world…
Obviously I wouldn’t make such a statement without backing it up but, there’s an element of truth there.
In today’s society where sex is LITERALLY everywhere, the human sexuality is changing and evolving (I’ve watched two two Disney films and heard a joke that has gone over the heads of the kids but adults looked at each other like, ‘did you just hear that?’)
Over the years, with homosexuality becoming more accepted by society at large, to the point where you can see a gay kiss on a soap with no big announcement in the paper a week before, the creation of the bi-sexual woman (not in a lab or nothing) has come across to men like a Bat signal to mojos everywhere.
How and why?
Well, a bi-sexual lady is a woman who likes both men and women. This, in turn, gives her more options than a heterosexual woman who only likes the meat between her sheets.
Some may call them greedy, some may call them lucky ‘cuz if there’s a man drought, they have other options, some even believe that because they are bi they have a higher level of promiscuity. That’s crap, crap and crap…
That’s on that same kinda shit where dumb people are worried to leave their kids around gay men for fear of them being abused…

But the power of bi-sexual woman lies in the fact that men like to THINK that they will ALWAYS be open to the opportunity of a threesome.
And we all know a threesome is HIGH UP on the list of a man’s sexual fantasies, even though he doesn’t really think of the logistics of a threesome REALLY.
I mean c’mon son…

A threesome ain’t easy on a good day… so before you let your dick makes decisions your stamina can’t cash, think about it.
Women have ALWAYS been on their job sexually, so what makes a man think he can please them both sexually?
But this blog isn’t really about the ways and ways threesomes take place, but more about the men who purposely seek bi-sexual women in order to enable them to do their bi-sexual thing… WITH them.

Seee, when a man meets a woman for the first time, maybe first or second date, he will go through the normal question and answer session, attempting to learn. But, at the same time, the questions he’s asking can be loaded with intention which doesn’t surface until much later. Some men will come straight out and ask, ‘have you ever been with a woman?’ and some men will ask, ‘So… do you think Anjelina Jolie is sexy?’
All with the intention of finding out just HOW into women you are. Now, bi-sexual or even bi-curious ladies out there, know that when they’ve told a man that they have had or want to have a bi-sexual experience, his eyes have lit up like Christmas lights.

Yeah, I’ve been guilty of such but that’s because you’re mind instantly thinks, “yummy, she likes her juice from the furry cup… WINNING!”
And before you’ve even had another date, you are already thinking:
who do I know bi-sexual who’d be down
what website do I know where I can meet bi-women
who was the last woman I know who was looking for some pussy

We can’t help it, it’s automatic… Men get that kinda face that JD on Scrubs gets when he goes off into one of his daydreams.

At that point, we become enablers. Exactly like those people that like to give their fat partners food because they know they like it.
Men become bi-sexual enablers, hoping they can get their lady another woman to enjoy. But, really, it’s not about seeking extra pleasure for the woman. It’s ultimately about HIS pleasure, what he can take part in, what he can sit back and watch, what he can record and watch back at his own pleasure.
Sure, her pleasure is, like, one of the things he wants to get out of it but it’s not the most important. And that’s at the heart of every enabler.
A person who’s partner is on drugs takes some pleasure out of seeing their partner no longer fiend for what they desired.
A person who’s partner likes to eat takes joy in seeing their loved one eating a McDonalds EXTRA LARGE double cheeseburger meal with large drink and two apple pies.
A person who’s partner is bi-sexual LOVES LOVES LOVES seeing their sexy beautiful lady head first in between a pair of thighs.
All for their own enjoyment.

The bi lady’s fun is secondary to his needs, which is to watch the sensuality of two women locked in a passionate tussle of arms and legs. A clench so sexually inviting he’s watching and salivating, analysing and masturbating, enjoying while feeling exhilarated. Imagining himself in between the lips of both ladies, an insect on the moment when both breasts touch and the edge of a finger nail when it finds the opening of another woman.
So maybe I’ve thought about it once or thrice but still, I’m not the point of this blog post.
You enablers are.
You hungry, self-pleasuring, egotistical maniacs who’s only desire is to get off watching or playing with two women – JUST because the opportunity is there. Not whether or not they want to or whether or not it’s in their plans at the time to do such a thing… it’s all about you…

Good old selfish you…

Well kudos to you sir… well done madam…
Because it’s not just men who are the enablers… there are some women out there who like to be enablers too…
For SOME reason, there’s a specifically Open Minded person who I know-ish who makes me think she might be an enabler if given the chance. (hehehe)

Eitherway, seeking out bi-sexual women just for your own selfish reasons of group sex, threesomes and porn recordings which soon find their way onto sites like homegrownfreaks.net, but disguising them as YOU allowing your partner to be who she is? Tut tut tut…

Bi-sexuals… or even bi-curiousessssesssss, watch out for these folk.. they’re out there looking for you to fulfill their own fantasies…

Like Bob Marley said, “don’t let ’em fool ya… OH NOOOOOO!”

By Mr Oh

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Thank you for the blowjob

I was brushing my teeth yesterday and I got to the stage in the process where I had to brush my tongue. Now I know a lot of gross folk don’t clean their tongue and leave it all white and misty (ewww to you) but I was trained from early on that your teeth aren’t done unless your tongue is clean.

So I was cleaning my tongue and, having such a long tongue, it takes me a good few minutes to really get every part of it done. And as I was reaching for the reach depth of my tongue, I choked and gagged. Bent over the sink like a real little, coughing, spluttering, mouther watering bitch…

But then, as I was sweating from the gagging, I thought about women…
Women and blowjobs.

And the work they must have to do in order to prepare their throats for the onslaught they must ensure from men’s penises.

And it is for that reason that I am writing this blog…

Just a way to say thank you to ALL women in the world who are sucking dick, fighting past the gag reflex, feeling their stomach muscles clench but not coughing and spluttering in order to take the dick a little bit deeper.

As someone who gets nervous when my toothbrush goes a bit too deep down my throat, I have no idea how you take something the shape and size of a banana and fit it so snug.
I do say thanks though as the amount of mouth water that follows after a particularly deep throat is usually a good coating for a mouth/handjob (the sloppy one… you know the one…)

So thank you ladies… for opening your mouths and letting us fuck your faces.

Thanks for letting us hold the sides of your heads and riding ya jawline…

Thank you for making that bottom lip extra droopy so the dick slides sloppily on it

Tanks for looking in my eyes at that special moment

Thanks for letting me hold your hair in a ponytail and control proceedings

Thank you a thousand times over for twisting and turning your head to make it feel extra sensitive

Thank you for taking deep strokes and sticking your tongue out at the same time.

Thank you for the slurping sound

Thanks for taking instruction well and doing what your told

Thanks for making it wet (but you can always make it wetter)

Thank you for keeping your teeth well covered

Thank you for watching Lethal Lipps, Roxy Reynolds and Superhead videos and learning some technique

Thank YOU for feeling the need to take your bra off and massage the dick in between

Thank you for kissing my stomach on the way down.

Thanks for making those sounds that let me know that you need a dick in your mouth more than I need my dick in your mouth

Thank you forever for managing to get my dick so far into your throat that your lips reach my stomach (with no gag)

Thanks for managing to pull off a hot dog (A Hot Dog is when she draws his balls alongside his dick and then suck both the dick and the balls at the same time… try it… he’ll like it…)

Thanks a million for turning your head to the side and letting me fuck your cheek

Thank you for slopping so much that it drips into a puddle on the ground

Thank you for arching your back when you do it on all fours

Thank the ground you walk on for bending at the waist

Thanks for getting your hands all sloppy

Thanks for smiling at my dick then looking at it from the left and right

Thank you for making it so sloppy that I actually cannot watch

Thank you for pouting those big lips

Thank you for spitting on my dick ( its nasty but we like it)

I can’t thank you enough for taking it deep enough that it probes the back of your throat with a nice squelching sound

Oh sweet moses, thank you for that thing you do when you give that open mouthed kiss on just the tip

Thank you for sucking the dick and fingering yourself at the same time

Thank you for wanting to suck my dick before I even asked

I’d suck your toes and mumble ‘thank you’ for enjoying the taste of pre-cum

Thank you for NOT allowing any DRY, chaffing moments

I can’t believe I haven’t thanked you enough for sliding the dick between your breasts and sucking the head as it pops out the top

Thanks ladies… you really do put a beautiful spin on a bad day…

By Mr Oh

PS. Poem ah coming…

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Do’s and don’ts of sex

Do’s and don’ts of sex…

This is in no way shape or form a DEFINITIVE guide on what you should and shouldn’t do during sex (I mean I may put my tongue where others won’t, plus if it was, this would be a BITCH of a list) – so let’s just get that out the way…


I talk about it, do it, write about it, think about it, taste it, visualise it… I just like it.
But, as we all know, there is an unwritten unspoken set of rules that people GENERALLY adhere to in order to fully succeed in achieving that REAL good, make her thighs shake, make him walk like an Egyptian, sweat dripping, body trembling sex.

These are 10 do’s and don’ts for the best way to achieve the sex that your friends TELL you they have… unless you’re freakier than them…



PAY ATTENTION – a simple, but HUGE start. Watch what makes your partner tick, what makes her voice hit that Mariah Carey octave or what makes him grab all over your body because he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Chances are, if you are hitting that SPOT the right way, and you keep doing it, someone’s gonna be coming soon.

WOMEN: If a woman moans when your twist her left nipple, breath on her right one, with one finger on her clit and another making it’s way in, then she LIKES it. DUH! So remember that move and add it to your mental rolodex.

MEN: Anything that gets his toes curling, face frowning or anything that makes him open his mouth in a perfect O is a keeper.


 BE DARING – why not try a spank from on high? Or rub the space between his balls and his anus during head? There are still a lot of hang-ups about particular sexual practices in the world but, to be honest, the quietest of people will like the freakiest of things.

WOMEN: If your head is telling you to suck his dick like a porn star, armed with porn star wrist action, dirty talk and saliva, then try it.

MEN: If you want to lift her legs back PAST her head and lick her ENTIRE crotch, what’s stopping you? What have you got to lose? Besides a possible eruptive orgasm.


 ALWAYS BE PREPARED – at one point or another, we’ve all finished and realised that the ‘clean up towel’ is out of reach or the flannel is in the bathroom and SOMEONE has to get up. But no one wants to move. So make sure, you’re ready for any eventuality.

MEN: If you plan to tie her up, but she doesn’t know it yet, make sure you tie up the restrains before she even gets to the bedroom. Hide things under the pillow, under the mattress, etc.

WOMEN: are generally prepared because they decided they were gonna sleep with you about two days ago AND how it was going to go.


LET IT ALL GO – that’s the best way to be… free as a bird… not thinking about your Tesco’s shopping list or if it is CSI Miami or CSI Vegas on today… your mind should be on the task at hand. Distractions can lead to sudden situations such as:

WOMEN: leaving your mind temporarily and saying the first name that comes out of your mouth, even if it isn’t the name of the person above or below you. (It’s happened…)

MEN: not really feeling the way she’s working you, and the dreaded DROOP kicks in and no amount of looking or touching is getting it back up.


SWALLOW – there is nothing like watching or listening to someone slurping down the fruit juice of your labour… especially if you’ve been made to wait or have CHOSEN to wait it out. If you’ve been made to feel the way you should, you will WANT swallow what is coming to you… but if you’re not having your scratch itched, it could also brighten up the most boring of sessions.

MEN: don’t be scared of pussy juice… it won’t scald you… or turn your skin green. If you’re reading this and saying something along the lines of ‘I don’t go down for nobody’, then YOUR missing out… TRUST ME!

WOMEN: what is there to say about swallowing that you don’t already know? Nothing… just make it wet and deep and God bless ya!



 BODIES ARE NOT TOYS – whether you stroke the dick with too much kung-fu grip or your fingernails are too long to slide inside, you gotta make sure that YOU are representing yourself. Groom yaself, take care of the body you bring to the table and the body you are trying to please… it is there for your pleasure, not for you to treat like some old t-shirt that you paint in.

WOMEN: a few things to always remember – a strong grip on a dick isn’t ALWAYS necessary. Sometimes, men keep quiet, but we don’t like for our head’s to look like they’re about to explode. Teeth too. You gotta remember to keep them teeths covered… they have ROUGH edges… a grimace isn’t always in pleasure.

MEN: groping is fine to an extent but you have to be given the permission, otherwise keep it smooth and constantly moving. Another thing, not ALL women like a ‘rammer jammer’ in bed so don’t think that ramming her THROUGH the headboard will make her come. I did say, not all, because there is a fair share of women who don’t mind that all night long.


KEEP TOILET GAMES IN THE TOILET – not much of a fan of being pissed or shit on to be honest… but some people do… to each their own… but, if you ARE into that type of thing, MAKE SURE the other person is too. Because you don’t want her to be coming like a geyser then you stand over her and take a number two. This touches on ‘DO number 5’, but men HAVE to know the difference between a woman coming in their mouth and a woman peeing. If you don’t then… HAHAHAHAHA… take that shit to the grave… YOU got caught slipping.

MEN: just don’t do it.

WOMEN: just don’t do it either… leave the golden showers for private time on the can.


SENSES – it’s one thing for your body to not be into it, but for your eyes and mouth to show disinterest is a REAL mood killer. If you’re lying there, like a rag doll, forcing yourself into position, huffing and puffing when something feels wrong, rolling your eyes, fixing up your mouth like you’d rather be drunk, etc. It’s not a good look. And, in turn, the performance from both participants will suffer and the orgasm could just be to get it out the way so one of you can sleep. Why are you fucking in the first place?

WOMEN: though a lot of sexual emphasis regarding sounds is put on women, you DO make our engines roar when we hear the road enjoying the ride. If you’re not feeling it, it’s better to keep it real and just say, ‘you know what, we need to stop!’ Better that then feeding his ego, making him feel like he ROCKED the Casbah, when really, you were mentally fucking someone else.

MEN: do not restrict your vocab in the moment to ‘uh’, ‘oh’, ‘um’, ‘yeah’, ‘that’s it’ and, my personal favourite, ‘oh yeah’. Give it some variation, throw a, ‘bet you can’t get it all in your mouth’, or a sly, ‘look how big your mouth is, I know you can do better’. (Though the last one could STOP everything and turn her into, ‘what do you mean my mouth is big? What, you saying I talk too much? See, I knew it… my girlfriends told me about you.’ And you watch her walk away. So CAREFUL!)


 WALK THE STRUT IF YOU’VE TALKED THE GAME – there is nothing worse than bragging about your CRAZY head game or your WEST BANK dick that will have her screaming, ‘GAZAMISEH’… and NOT delivering the product advertised. Don’t promise a porn star performance if you know you only need two positions to get your nut and drop to a quick slumber. Keep it real with yourself. Only offer what your willing to give. That way there’s no expectations.

WOMEN: Give him what he ordered or what you provided for him on the menu… if you’re willing to go that extra mile, let him know, or spring it on him when his mind is somewhere else.

MEN: okay… now… men have a tendency to talk a good game more than women do. But that’s because the onus is put on men to MAKE the sex good for both of you. Plus, it’s not our fault… unfortunately, and it’s yet to be scientifically proven, but, our dicks sometimes speak for us. So when the opportunity to talk sex arises, so does our junior selves. And they like to talk about all the things they can do, based on past experiences, but every time is different. So don’t think that you’ll be able to fuck for four hours like you did with your ex, and then come after five minutes. Which leads me on to my next point… you cannot… repeat CANNOT blame a case of premature ejaculation on her ‘good pussy’. They don’t buy it guys.


SEX TOOL KIT – sex is not a plaster on a stab wound of a relationship, it will not FIX your problems, mend your broken heart or define your status on this planet. It will make you feel good for… as long as you can make it last for. Someone is thinking about having sex right now for all the wrong reasons, but, to them, they can’t see anything but legs in the air. It is a temporary euphoric release that dissipates after you’ve caught your breath after an orgasm… or had that bomb diggy nap. Because if you’re having sex to hide, mask or fix something, the pain of the wound will still be there.

WOMEN: rule sex, don’t let it rule you.

MEN: it may seem like the GALICE thing to do but sex is not a badge of honour.

Maybe you agree with my do’s and don’ts, maybe you think I’m way off, but, hey, you’ve been entertained!

Be good with it…

Peace and hair grease

Mr Oh

DON’T FORGET: Little Black Book – OUT NOW via amazon and all good internet and book shops

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